My Dog is Chelsea

I zoomed out of my internship an hour and a half early to catch my flight to Portland. On my way to the interstate, I realized that I a) had to pee b) had left my razor and sunglasses behind and c) even if I got stuck in bumber-to-bumper traffic when I’d [...]

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The maintenance man finally showed up to repair our Niagara Faucet, and it only took two days and two bathtubs worth of long lost water. This is a shockingly quick response from an apartment complex that has no regard for protecting our planet’s precious resources, though it should be noted that a certain [...]

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My roommate bravely entered the apartment management office this morning to a) report a broken faucet and b) to extend the lease. [Why the hell she wants to stay at Doucheland, NM, is beyond me. The only benefit (and when I say "only," I ain't kidding) of living in this particular complex is the pool, [...]

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We got another noise complaint. This time, though, nobody was practicing their music, or talking on a cell phone loudly, or even dropping a 2×4 onto the patio below. This time, according to our lovely (I use the term loosely) neighbor, at noon on Saturday we were making copious amounts of [...]

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My roommate was on her way out to some event for work when she made her announcement:
“Oh! I forgot—I lost my keys. Somewhere between the car and the front door. Will you be home later?”
I said I wasn’t sure, so she took the spare one just to be safe. I went back about my [...]

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