My Dog is Chelsea

My mother and my cocofraumosi* Bev arrived on Friday afternoon with an uncharacteristically laissez-faire attitude. “We’re flexible,” said Bev. “We’ll do whatever.” “Are you hungry?” I asked. “Would you like to stop at the hotel first or should we go straight to lunch?” “Oh, we’ll do whatever you want to do,” my mother chimed in. [...]

[Read more →]

I’m feeling the need to update this blog despite my complete lack of decent material. So—I present you with a few bullet points of random material: • Yesterday I went into my neighbor’s apartment to let out the dog and pig and discovered that Girdie the Potbelly had located and ingested an entire bag of [...]

[Read more →]

The other day I ate a lemon-flavored popsicle thing that vaguely resembled a soccer ball. It came on a stick that contained the following riddle: If a gown is evening wear, what is a suit of armor? “Knight wear! It’s knight wear! Get it? Like ‘evening/night’? Yes! That must be it! I am good!” I [...]

[Read more →]

My family’s greatest talent is our ability to make a scene. We’re damn good at it. I mean, for chrissakes, we steal sugar packets from restaurants and get caught doing it. Let’s face it, I learn from the best. So a family ski trip to Aspen, of course, was replete with blog fodder and since [...]

[Read more →]

I cooked my very first Thanksgiving dinner yesterday, and I am endlessly proud. Of course, it involved no less than five frantic phone calls to my mother—”The grocery store only has pearl onions! Will those work?”—and though we didn’t make a turkey, I still managed to spend almost all day in the kitchen. The menu: [...]

[Read more →]