My Dog is Chelsea

It’s pretty impressive how pathetically bad Alberto Gonzales’ memory is—it’s hard not to wonder how the hell he gets through life with his apparent case of selective amnesia. Can you imagine what our society would be like if we all had the wonderful privelege of not being able to recall anything?
Police office: Ma’am, do you [...]

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It’s more than their annoying spokesperson. T-Mobile has exceeded the douche factor once and for all, and when my effing two-year contract is up, I no longer plan on renewing it. Here’s why:
The war began in December, when a coworker dropped and broke my phone. “Is this your cell phone?” she asked with a pseudo-innocent [...]

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It’s a good thing that Harry Whittington looks like he’s going to live—otherwise millions of people would have to change their bumper sticker to this:
“Guns don’t kill people, vice presidents kill people.”
I mean, really. What a goddamn moron. In his interview, Dick Cheney said that the reason he didn’t immediately tell the press is because [...]

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We got another noise complaint. This time, though, nobody was practicing their music, or talking on a cell phone loudly, or even dropping a 2×4 onto the patio below. This time, according to our lovely (I use the term loosely) neighbor, at noon on Saturday we were making copious amounts of [...]

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Walking my dog yesterday, I saw something in the corner of my eye: a blue and red sign in someone’s window proclaiming, “W Stands For Women.” Above it, a faded, half-fallen Bush/Cheney campaign sign was clinging with all its might to the cold window glass.
W stands for a lot of things: Women. Warmonger. Weapons. Whatthefuck.
I [...]

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