The following telephone conversation with my mother actually happened:
My mother: So, wait. Why did you get a dog?
MDIC: Because I love dogs. And I miss Chelsea. And I wanted a jogging buddy. And dogs are great.
Mother: But she destroys your belongings and pees on your couch?
MDIC: Yes. But she is adorable.
Mother: Ugh. Get rid of her.
MDIC: I am not getting rid of her.
Mother: Well, good luck to you. Glad I don’t have to deal with that!
MDIC: Thanks, I appreciate your confidence.
Mother: At least you’ve got Asa to help you.
MDIC: He doesn’t really help with the dog.
Mother: [angrily] Why not?
MDIC: Well, because she’s my dog.
Mother: Why isn’t she both of your guy’s dog?
MDIC: Because we’re not married, and when we break up I don’t want to have to fight over custody rights for my dog.
Mother: [in an eerily similar way to that scene in High Fidelity] When you break up? Laura, you’ve been dating this guy for a million years. When are you going to find yourself a man to settle down with and have children?!!?!?!?!
MDIC: Oh. My. God. I AM TWENTY-FIVE. I don’t want to have children yet.
Mother: Well, you’re running out of time!
MDIC: That’s insane.
Mother: Look, I waited too long. I was 30 when I got married and 31 when I started having kids. And look what happened to your father!
[My father died when I was a child. My mother is now convinced that women should marry early because men die young.]
MDIC: That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life.
[pause]
MDIC: I’m not having kids before I turn 30.
Mother: Well, you’ve got some time. BUT NOT MUCH.
An awesome way to spend your Saturday evening, no?
14 responses so far ↓
1 Dating Advice - Anything ‘08 : Blog Archive : I couldn’t make this up if I tried // Feb 20, 2008 at 12:16 am
[...] information on dating | dating wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptLaura, you’ve been dating this guy for a million years. When are you going to find yourself a man to settle down with and have children… [...]
2 TimsHead // Feb 20, 2008 at 3:53 am
So there you are. A 4.5-year window to play ultimate Frisbee™ before you have to give it up for motherhood. Wow. Better join a few more leagues.
Seriously, I spend so much time giving the opposite advice. The 20s, especially, are to be enjoyed and to try crazy things. Much harder to do that if, like previous generations, you’ve had kids at 18.
Though I am going to see one of my very favorite plays, A Doll’s House, in a couple of weeks, and this discussion sort of plays into the script’s central theme.
3 Boo // Feb 20, 2008 at 4:11 am
Yeah. No pressure there. I hope you don’t feel your sails going limp because of it.
4 Kaz // Feb 20, 2008 at 5:21 am
Jeeez.
5 jiffer // Feb 20, 2008 at 5:53 am
i love your mom.
i wonder if she has an opinion about her nieces and nephews or just you.
you can always let her know she was one example for me for why you should wait unitl you are in your 30s
6 lizzy // Feb 20, 2008 at 6:46 am
“You’ve got time. BUT NOT MUCH.” Excellent. As someone who just turned 30, I could not be more thrilled that she’s your mom and not mine.
7 fern // Feb 20, 2008 at 12:24 pm
strangely enough, i had almost that exact conversation with a woman i barely know at work today. she is a librarian at the school and was on top of me about when am i going to have babies, and i am getting too old, and my click is ticking, and if i wait too long i will have a mongloid.
i should have pretended i have a new dog that is peeing everywhere and changed the subject.
(what the hell is a mongloid?)
8 Natalie B // Feb 20, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Bru-tal!! You need my mom and my mother-in-law. After I got married (and my sister-in-law was driving me bonkers with the “when are you going to have kids” nagging) they both whispered to me “wait as long as you can!!” hahahaha
9 Teague // Feb 20, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Ha ha! You wanna borrow my mom? She says I can be whatever I want as long as I decide by the time I’m 35! She doesn’t want me to get married, ever. We were actually talking about it at her house, she turned to Zac and me and said, “you two aren’t thinking of getting married are you?” In the same tone of voice you might use for something moldy in the fridge, “You’re not going to eat THAT are you?”
I feel for you, I do. I think Zac’s mom wants us to have kids soon. She doesn’t care if we get married or not.
10 michael5000 // Feb 20, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Awesome! MomMDIC cracks me the hell up.
Also, I agree with your mother on every point. Also, with you.
11 Kathryn // Feb 21, 2008 at 8:45 am
wow
I love how it went from having a dog to being too old to have cildren in the span of what, 30 seconds?
12 malahat sunset // Feb 21, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Sheesh, no pressure there, eh! But I can’t see your mom’s feelings about ’settling down’-marriage-kids bothering you too much; you know and understand her too well. (Could her worries about ticking clocks have anything to do with the big birthday coming up?)
A note to Fern: A “mongoloid” is a wretched, outdated, now-politically incorrect term for a person with Down Syndrome. The librarian was referring to the fact that women who have children after age 35 have an increased risk of producing a child with Down’s.
I’m sorry if this sounds like a finger-wagging lecture, but could you let this (probably elderly) woman know this racist term isn’t used anymore? It’s like calling somebody a retard. Thanks.
13 Meredith // Feb 21, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Wait, are our mothers related? I have so heard this one before, and I thought it would slow down once I got married…ugh. Good luck.
14 Oscar // Mar 27, 2008 at 7:55 am
That’s ok, my wife’s grandmother, before she died, would tell her that she was wasting her life because she did not have children before she was 20. Different worlds…