I have a few gray hairs. Not so many that your first thought upon seeing me is “DAMN! That girl looks like Matlock,” but enough so that at some point while you’re talking to me, you begin to notice that my once-brunette hair looks a little too stale to belong to a 24-year-old. I’ve been getting those wiry silver fuckers for close to a decade now, and more recently, they’ve been appearing with increasing frequency.
I tell myself it’s not a sign of my age—it just my bad genes. I’ll blame the gray on my mother’s side—both of my uncles have looked like Matlock (minus the beige suit) for much of their lives and I’m sure my aunts and mother would too if they didn’t dye their hair religiously. But still, genes or not—I am getting old. In fact, I have never felt older in my life than I did this weekend. Some friends and I went to Sasquatch, a two-day music festival in the Columbia Gorge, where, apparently, nobody over the age of 21 ever sets foot. Except us.
On the eve of the show, surrounded by several thousand drunk frat boys and their underaged girlfriends, my friends and I tried to drift off to sleep, excited for the day of music that lay ahead. My thought process: The techno blasting from that car next to our tent is NOT loud. It is NOT loud. It is NOT LOUD. Okay, it’s loud. Actually, it’s the loudest thing EVER. It is making the ground shake. This IS loud. Maybe I can unplug their car battery? Maybe I can throw a rock at them? Maybe I will just die of deafness and they’ll have to feel guilty for the rest of their lives? THIS IS MY IDEA OF HELL!
I vocalized that last thought, and apparently everyone else in my camp was pretty much on the same wavelength. We packed up ship and moved our tents away from the techno rave (to a place where it was still loud but at least not deafening) and went to sleep-ish. I’m pretty sure I still heard music going at dawn.
The next day I was grumpy. I mean really grumpy. Grumpy that I’d left my favorite bathing suit in a friend’s car. Grumpy that it was so damn HOT. Grumpy that the portopotties were already full and smelled like vomit. Grumpy that I’d awoken in the middle of the night to the sound of girl’s voice shouting, “WAKE UP, PEOPLE! You’re at a MUSIC FESTIVAL! It’s totally lame to be asleep at 3 am!” Nevermind that the music hadn’t even begun.
As I hid from the glaring sun and reapplied my sun screen every hour, scantily-clad eighteen-year-olds bounced up and down the hill, many with a gargantuan plastic tube of neon margarita in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I had only two beers the night before and went to sleep comparatively early, but I could barely even muster up the energy to take a sip of water—and these kids were drinking? And smoking? And running? And dancing? For fuck’s sake, do they not get HANGOVERS?!?!?
The festival itself was great, not that like is much of a surprise. Between Manu Chao, Ozomatli, Blackalicious, Spoon, Michael Franti & Spearhead, among others, how could it not be? And then there’s the view:
Note that in the above picture there is a cloud cover. Note also that said cloud cover lasted about fifteen minutes, and that despite my sunblock applications I still managed to come out looking a bit lobster-esque.
Anyway, that’s all I can muster for now—it’s after 11 pm. Time to put my elderly self to bed.
15 responses so far ↓
1 Mandie // May 28, 2007 at 11:50 pm
You crack me up. I enjoyed this post. Probably because I feel old too. I haven’t spotted the gray hair yet, but just being around the 18-21 year olds at work makes me feel ancient. I’m only 26. I’m mother fucking 26. I feel old, and I’m bitter. I looked forward my whole life to being 23-25. That’s over now.
You were so in my dream last night. You and my brother were at my house and we were all watching the NBA Playoffs. I was really stressing about something (no idea what), and I had been trying to resist the temptation to go outside and smoke. You had offered me one of your cigarrettes. Finally I took it and went outside and enjoyed it.
There are a few ironic things here. Let’s start out with how we’ve never actually met. From there, we’ll cover how I don’t know that you watch the NBA or care about the playoffs. I have no idea if you smoke, but I know I don’t. And finally, your cigs were Miller…as in MGD…only cigs. What a weird dream. Thanks for sharing your cigs.
2 corbow // May 29, 2007 at 8:53 am
Those of us in our late 40s can’t help but be amused by twenty-somethings saying they feel old. Truly, though, a nasty sunburn will make anyone feel old.
When I was a kid, I thought 17 was the perfect age to be. Then, after I turned 17 and it wasn’t all that, I decided I would be fully actualized at 37. The year I turned 37 wasn’t bad; I met my wonderful husband that year, after all. Now I’m looking forward to 57. I want to have it all together by then.
I guess it’s all relative.
3 Laura // May 29, 2007 at 9:44 am
That’s gorgeous, and Spoon is possibly my favorite band, ever.
I feel this way every time I come to work, and some “new hire” with dyed blonde hair, a fake tan, fresh manicure and inappropriately-tight clothing comes by to tell me how much they love spreadsheets. Thats MY idea of hell.
4 thinlizzy // May 29, 2007 at 12:11 pm
Before you know it you’re going to be telling some meddling kids to get off of your lawn.
5 "Dan" // May 29, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Laura-
You are far, far too young to be calling yourself old. My parents still don’t call themselves old and its a big part of why they are such happy, funlovin’ people I know. Granted I think my dad would have tried to shoot that girl shouting at 3am…
6 TimsHead // May 29, 2007 at 3:40 pm
^^ Ha! to Lizzy! (Married life hasn’t changed her one bit.)
One year, I hit all the major modern-rock summer festivals on this end of the Thruway (the K-Rockathon at Vernon Downs, the Edgefest at Darien Lake, a different Edgefest at Angola Park, the Nerve Third Birthday Party in FLPAC), and sort of felt like a chaperone. Not that I didn’t enjoy the music, but I suddenly felt like I’d been invited to a high school party. But then the Sasquatch lineup looks much better.
Thought of you and Terra (I see Xanga/trcs is no more) as I chowed down on the heaven that is a dark chocolate Aero bar this weekend. Which is to say, I had many reasons to smile!
7 Coccinella // May 30, 2007 at 6:20 am
Wow - what an amazing view! Seriously, having been living in FL for so many years (completely flat state) - I really miss any kind of elevation.
I know what you mean about the loud music - lol - ever been to Burning Man?? Think of loud music mixed with 40,000 crazed people. Eh, I had fun anyway.
You mentioned grays…mine started at 16 and I’m 31 and feel like I’m so much older. None of my friends have this - what the heck’s wrong with me? Like you, I blame it on my mother..hmm..and father seeing his side is blessed (har har) with the lovely streak down the middle. I have much to look forward to.
Enjoy your week and take care of that sunburn!
Jeanine
8 Mandie // May 30, 2007 at 10:31 am
More reflections….the thing that makes me feel so old is realizing what I haven’t done with my life. I’m still doing the same job I was doing when I was in high school. Sure, I’ve got a degree now, I’ve been considered and recommended for promotions. But I haven’t done the things I’d thought I’d have done by now. That’s what makes me feel old and hate getting older.
9 jiffer // May 30, 2007 at 4:44 pm
fucking genes!! i got them too.
10 TimsHead // May 31, 2007 at 2:48 am
ryc: Hey, I write for a popular audience, and try to anticipate their thoughts/tastes. Personally, I could give you a run for your money in beer snobbery. I just have a practical streak, and a realization that something, anything to dull the experience of the Newark Airport is a good thing.
11 Natalie B // May 31, 2007 at 4:50 pm
hey… you’re not an old lady until your main obsession is knitting (like me!)
12 Teague // Jun 1, 2007 at 8:21 am
Hey Laura!
We tried to call you, but didn’t have any cell-phone coverage. What’s funny is that I talk about this concert, but mention completely different bands….BJORK!, The Arcade Fire, The Hold Steady, Neko Case and sometimes Manu Chao. But he really pissed us off standing in front of the stage, he kept saying he was going to leave and then didn’t. And we really wanted to see The Arcade Fire, which was next. Also Manu Chao made the entire rest of the concert late, they took forever setting up and then played a long set. When you’ve already been standing and bumping for 3 hours, this is pretty annoying. When you get home and realize you can neither walk nor stand, as you stood from roughly 5:30pm-1:30am, it turns into a quiet rage.
Teague
13 Nick // Jun 3, 2007 at 11:15 am
OH MY GOD! I have a picture that is nearly a clone of your sasquatch picture, i had to look twice and wonder if it actually WAS mine, although it was taken at last year’s, which was also amazing
14 Nick // Jun 3, 2007 at 11:17 am
actually…..IS THAT MINE? i can’t check my picture at home lol
15 Kush // Jun 8, 2007 at 3:25 pm
so no. I don’t have a bunch of grey hairs…I have a busshel of white hairs.. I always knew I looked white like Mr. T but I thought my extensions would dive as dark as sometimes–reality.
We are nothing in the blink of humanity. so old is like weird–like Laura Paris and her hand guards, socialization, and early-morning perception. No–old is NOTHING, of course, unless you are single, or watching in awe and utter dismay, a life-style of your own.
I feel old teaching in a high school when I get pirate rubber-duckies so innocently purchaced upon my mailbox. One hung form the tree with my name on it–whatever that really is.
If you have AB positive blood, you are related to the Mongolians