[Note: This entry is more than just slightly embarassing. JUST SO YOU KNOW, our apartment isn't usually this bad.]
You have no idea how incredibly disgusting our apartment is right now. Words can’t describe it, so I’ll just show you:
See? It’s a good thing the above picture is blurry. What you’re looking at: what used to be our coffeetable, now decked out in newspapers, mail, magazines, crossword puzzles, my friend’s dinner plates, other garbage, t-shirts and who knows what else.
This is our bedroom/my office. NO WONDER I never get anything done! I can barely navigate to my desk, let alone find anything to wear to to work in the pile of clothes that is second only to Kilimanjaro in height.
Blech! The overflowing compost container behind the empty olive oil vat says it all.
I’d been noticing that my shoulder bag had been getting increasingly heavy, and I couldn’t figure out why. I mean, it’s not like I need anything other than my wallet, my planner and my lunch! What could possibly be weighing me down so much? Well, this:
You can’t tell from the picture, but the pile of paper in the top right corner is actually three-dimensional—and fairly substantial. Other highly useful items I found milling around at the bottom of my bag: five dead MetroCards (heck, I don’t even live in New York anymore!), several business cards from a local café that shares my last name, a bunch of defunct debit and credit cards, proof of an expired Ultimate Players Association membership, a package of dubious-looking cookies I bought off of some dude at the bus stop who was claiming to raise funds for his “church,” four double-pointed knitting needles and an assortment of lip balms and hair doodads.
What remained in the bag once I had eliminated the clutter:
Granola that spilled a loooooooooooong time ago.
Why has our apartment turned into Fresh Kills, you wonder? Well, it’s a combination of laziness and busy-ness. Between work, freelancing, volunteering, making food and frisbeeing, I’ve barely had enough time to breath, let alone clean. Plus, I’ve been sick (really! It’s true! I actually had a fever!). But really, I’m lazy, and so is Asa. That, and everytime I try to tackle the beast, I get sidetracked and decide to do the crossword instead.
This weekend we’ll clean, OR ELSE I might end up like that Bronx man who died under the weight of his own stacks of paper.
Here is my little Tracker plant. I’m currently looking into the possibility of growing corn back there so I can produce my own ethanol—making the Geo Tracker truly geo-friendly.
11 responses so far ↓
1 Mandie // May 11, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Wow this is some impressive stuff. This was the apt when I lived in Seattle with you-know-who for 10 months. It was bad. Be productive this weekend.
2 Ernay // May 12, 2007 at 5:23 am
Fresh Kills is actually MUCH neater than your pad, at least at the moment.
3 michael5000 // May 12, 2007 at 6:26 am
It’s a GOOD thing! It’s, like, the accumulating evidence of life lived to the fullest!
But OK, yeah, maybe a spring clean is in order….
4 Jeanine // May 12, 2007 at 7:33 am
omg this is just so hilarious i don’t even know what to say! the Tracker plant was fabulous. lol
5 lizzy // May 12, 2007 at 7:58 am
Oh geez! I think it’s probably not as bad as it seems. Half a day of cleaning will take care of all of that.
I do love the sprout in the tracker, though. Leave that one alone.
6 Lynn // May 12, 2007 at 9:45 am
You have made me feel sooooo good. Our place is a disaster, too, but not as bad as what you photographed. Good luck on cleaning. I keep trying and can’t make much headway.
Lynn
7 Truly // May 12, 2007 at 10:11 am
Hey–at least you are composting; even if it is on your kitchen counter.
I keep a pretty clean place because I have a serious fear of sharing my pad with roaches and spiders. Once, in high school, I hung a bunch of dried flowers from my loft bed and never once dusted them. After a few months, a den of baby spiders took up residence in them; not a pleasant thing to find out by bumping into the bouquet and shaking loose a pack of creepy crawlies. Eeewww…then there was the hot ‘n’ steamy summer Shaun forgot to take out the trash before we left for vacation; when we got back a cluster of MAGGOTS had made their writhing home in an old yougert container. SICK!
I hope you don’t run into anything too scary when you sift your way through the piles.
8 PhishChica // May 12, 2007 at 6:18 pm
Eh, I won’t post pictures of our place right now. I’m leaving at the end of June for the AF, so our place is a mix of BDU’s (camoflague), fitness equipment, suitcases, way too many tampons for one female, and beer bottles. ‘Cause a girl’s got to have some fun!
9 TimsHead // May 13, 2007 at 5:11 pm
You may well be growing corn in your apartment for all you know.
This was brave on your part. And amusing. And somewhat familiar. Having one of those clutter-countering TV shows (like Clean Sweep) visit your place would prove quite entertaining!
10 Meredith // May 15, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Fascinating. Kind of gross, but still fascinating. Like a still life…but much braver.
Rock on.
11 Brandy // May 15, 2007 at 3:53 pm
NICE. I love it.