It’s pretty impressive how pathetically bad Alberto Gonzales’ memory is—it’s hard not to wonder how the hell he gets through life with his apparent case of selective amnesia. Can you imagine what our society would be like if we all had the wonderful privelege of not being able to recall anything?
Police office: Ma’am, do you know what the speed limit is?
Driver: I can’t recall, sir.
Officer: Oh! Well, in that case, here’s a warning—consider it your reminder that you shouldn’t be going 93 in a 35 mile per hour zone. Have a good day!
Teacher: What do you mean, ‘you forgot to study’? Don’t you remember how every day this week we’ve reviewed material for the test?
Student: I don’t recall that.
Teacher: Oh! Well, in that case, here’s an A. Good job!
Mother: It’s 2:30 AM! What are you doing just getting home?! What happened to the 11:00 curfew we discussed? You’re grounded!
Daughter: 11:00? I can’t recall that discussion.
Mother: Oh! Well, in that case, nevermind about the grounding. I’ll go whip together a late-night snack for you.
Yeah, that would be AWESOME. No boundaries. No consequences. No justice system. No Attorney General!
But seriously, is he not just the biggest pile of douchebaggery ever?