My Dog is Chelsea

I’ve been flossing a lot lately. I tell you this because I know you care oh-so-deeply about my oral hygiene. But I have been, for two reasons: 1) Never, ever, EVER again do I want to hear the following words come out of my dentist’s mouth: “You have six cavities—we’ll need to schedule two separate [...]

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I got an email at work the other day that began something like this: “Dear. Dr. Parisi, Here is the [whatever you asked for], per your request.” Apparently, proximity to doctors (I work in a hospital) actually turns you into one. Pretty neat, huh? I printed out the email, highlighted the Dr. part and hung [...]

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The vet sent me these, taken just after Chelsea died: PS, thanks for the team name suggestions. They were great! It might be too late, but I’ll share them with my teammates.

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My frisbee team wants a new name. Up until now we’ve been called Pen Fifteen, AKA PEN15—you know, like, that “penis club” joke from fifth grade? Yeah. I personally love the name and think it’s hilarious (yes, I know, I have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old, so what?). But there has been a [...]

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Consider the following examples: Symptom: Persistent headaches for an entire year Google Diagnosis: Brain tumor; you’re going to die Professional Opinion: Not a brain tumor; headaches are probably caused by your stress-related habit of clenching your jaw My doctor: “So you’re worried you have a brain tumor?” Me: “Yes.” Him: “Because Google told you you’re [...]

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