Editor’s note: File this post under “LAZY,” because I wrote it a few months ago, and for some reason never published it. So, while it’s brand-spanking to you, it’s not actually new and is therefore kinda cheating. But whatever. Get over it.
Just got back from a brisk walk to the video store. Asa is out of town, so I was hoping to rent one of my favorite hate-admit-I-love movies, but alas they didn’t have it and Hipster Video Store Dude actually kind of chuckled when I asked for it. So what if I love a sappy Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movie about falling in love via AOL? Bad actors and crappy Internet service providers aside, the movie is a very accurate picture of the transition of my hometown neighborhood in New York City from a place with lots of character and local shops to the upscale, sterilized strip mall it has become.
But I’m getting off-topic. The point of this post is to tell you all about the following encounter:
As I headed home from picking out my DVD-o’-choice (I went with this one instead), I noticed a man loitering on the sidewalk. He saw me coming and dipped into the shadows, hiding behind a tree. As I approached, he suddenly stepped towards me:
“Hey beautiful,” he said. “Can you do me a favor?”
I don’t like to ignore people, even when they err on the sketchy side and spew crap pickup lines, so I said, “What’s that?”
“Can you spare some change?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t have any money on me.” It was true. The video store doesn’t even take money. You pay in advance and then when it comes time to rent, they just mark it off your tab. I had nothing.
The man fell into stride beside me. “Okay, well, I’ll just see if my buddy over here has anything.” He gestured further down the empty street.
I increased my pace only slightly. I wasn’t particularly worried, but I was about to turn off the main drag and onto my unlit street—and a late-night walking companion seemed, well, unwise.
The man must have noticed the change in my gait because he turned to me and said: “Don’t worry, I’m not following you.”
Um, yeah. Thanks for the comforting words, dude.
11 responses so far ↓
1 Jac // Nov 8, 2006 at 5:06 pm
yeah, coz like, you’re totally supposed to act nonchalant about that shit, you wouldn’t want to OFFEND anyone, now would you? i get that from people when they see me double checking locked car doors. on bar row. at midnight. coz you know, it’s only coz YOU’RE standing there that i’m doing it, bub.
pfft.
2 jules // Nov 8, 2006 at 5:39 pm
Hah! Creepy. I once tried to play the “chat with the drunk homeless dude” game until it got waaaay too creepy, which resulted in hailing a cab instead of waiting for the bus. Egad…
3 Boo // Nov 8, 2006 at 5:42 pm
There are fewer such occurrences in upscale sterilized strip malls I’m guessing. The character of a place is as complex as the characters who inhabit it sometimes. This was neat move of vibes for me. From a sappy love story (have not seen it just going by your words) and a comfort to a provoked sense of isolation or alienation.
His words and hiding remind me of a mentally challenged man I once knew to hang about my old college apartment complex. I think he was autistic, but can’t be sure. Still, had I not known of him, encountering him in such a way would be disconcerting.
ryc: I am not from Cincy. I’m up on the northcoast. The effyourself is from there. I don’t know if you read him though. Here’s wishing you some travel mercies in advance and a great holiday. And I hope there are decent food options there for you too. And peppermint and cocoa sound very nice together right now.
4 thinlizzy // Nov 8, 2006 at 6:30 pm
To which your response could be, “don’t worry, I’m not actually kicking you in the crotch” whilst kicking him in the crotch.
5 TimsHead // Nov 8, 2006 at 8:20 pm
See! I keep saying the mydogischelsea fan club gets bigger all the time.
6 Truly // Nov 9, 2006 at 6:30 am
People are weird. On New Years Day a few years ago, I was followed by a particuarly rude beggar in downtown Chicago who shouted vile things about my “white cunt” (his words, not mine) at me when I told him that I had no money to spare. (Unfortunatly, it was not to be our last encounter; I saw him daily for over a year after this encounter. His name was Terrance.) I ducked into a White Hen party store to ellude him, but he just stood outside the window, waving at me, smiling creepily. I was in the store, pretending to browse through the Corn Nut selection for a good 15 minutes, waiting for him to leave. But he just STOOD there! Waiting for me! Eventually, I went to the counter and asked the clerk to phone the police. When Terrance saw me do that, he disapeared and a really nice guy offered to walk me to the subway, just in case.
I think if politicians had to deal with crazy homeless people on a regular basis, government funding for mental institutions would never have been cut.
7 James Cooper // Nov 9, 2006 at 9:38 am
Urg, it is difficult to take comfort in the words of someone who may be desperate. Particularly one who “err(s) on the sketchy side and spew(s) crap pickup lines”. Even at the risk of hurting a strangers feelings it definitely is best to take the path of caution though and keep your eyes and ears wide open.
8 Meredith // Nov 9, 2006 at 1:15 pm
It’s funny, and I don’t know whether it’s a woman issue, or a person issue, or a what issue…you want to be compassionate, and recognize the humanity of another person in need, but at the same time, you have to draw the line where your safety is at risk. Maybe it’s over-simplification, maybe it’s stating the obvious…I don’t know.
I’m just glad he wasn’t following you.
9 Lynn // Nov 9, 2006 at 6:48 pm
EWWWWW!!!! Those are the people who make me cross the street. I’d like to be compassionate, but my God, I just want to keep my mind sane and my body intact.
Lynn
10 Natalie // Nov 9, 2006 at 8:11 pm
umm… that’s SUPER freaky!
11 Natalie // Nov 9, 2006 at 8:13 pm
oh man.. if we’re going to tell stories…
I’d say about once a week I get whistled at or something by drunkies on the street, as I walk to work. Once, when my friend and I were walking to get some coffee, this shifty guy walked by us and said under his breath “I could marry her”
um, no you can’t buddy, because I’ll never let you! Ew!!!