Yesterday I inspected the infamous sign on the dryer and discovered that it wasn’t Scotch-taped. It was clear-packing-taped. That’s the kind of tape that sticks, you know. Forever.
But tonight the sign was missing. And we know the sign couldn’t have fallen down, because gravity just isn’t that strong.
But wait—what’s that? A crumpled-up ball of paper in the garbage? Something’s going on here.
Look—it wasn’t me and I have proof. A confession, even, from a neighbor.
“I’m sick of tip-toeing around other people’s laundry,” she said. “I don’t want to wait until 11 pm for people to get home and move their laundry so I can finish mine. I’m tired and I’d like to go to bed, but now I can’t, because I’ve been waiting around all night to do my laundry. So I took down the note. And then put up a new one of my own.”
Really? And what does it say?
“It says: ‘Your laundry is your responsibility and if you do not take care of it within a reasonable length of time it will be removed for you.’”
To my other neighbor’s credit, he admitted to slightly overreacting the other day when my roommate moved his clothes out of the washer. He even told me that he’s making an effort to only do his laundry when he’s around to deal with it, because he knows he’s a pain in the ass about it (his words, not mine).
But a new sign? This might cause more problems than it solves. Here’s hoping World War IV doesn’t break out in our apartment complex.
SIGH. We’ll see how this goes—I like both of my neighbors very much, but these two have had a history of altercations over things like dog/pig poop, previous laundry debacles, the pig eating the garden, the dog terrorizing the cats, etc., and I fear that this new sign may be a backwards step on the road to a peacemaking agreement.
Anyway, I saw Borat tonight at a free screening. Pretty hilarious shit, although it was slightly difficult to hear the movie over the running commentary of the guy behind me. For instance:
[Borat does something outrageous]
Man behind me: NO WAY! Is he really?! Yes, HE REALLY IS!
[Borat runs naked through a hotel]
MBM: HE’S RUNNING NAKED THROUGH A HOTEL!
[Subtitle says "(enter whatever it said here)"]
MBM: (ENTER WHATEVER IT SAID HERE)!
[Something happens; appropriate response is laughter]
MBM: THAT’S HILARIOUS!! ISN’T THAT HILARIOUS??
[Borat offends someone and gets kicked out of wherever he is]
MBM: Uh-oh. THEY’RE GOING TO KICK HIM OUT!
WTF? I mean, I’ll have the occasional exchange of whispers with my fellow movie-going friends, but only once or twice throughout the film and usually for things like, “PSST—I’m going to get some popcorn, want anything?” or “PSST—did you catch that last line? I didn’t get it.” So thank you, Captain Obvious, thank you for your full-volume play-by-play. Because without you, I wouldn’t have known when to laugh.
Anyway, it’s late. Goodnight.
10 responses so far ↓
1 Laura Squiddichino // Oct 25, 2006 at 12:32 am
I heard a positive review of the movie on NPR, and I believe everything on NPR.
What is it about public property that causes people to go ballistic? In college, one woman hand wrote out a two page tirade on how expensive butter is and the reasons that if you use her butter you are going straight to hell. At work, similar “anonymous” threats about our admin’s weekly refrigerator cleaning have been made.
And of course you’re completely right, that packing tape NEVER lets go.
2 TimsHead // Oct 25, 2006 at 3:45 am
Maybe the jerk is a sportscaster wannabe and he’s practicing. Whatever the case, it reminds me of the idiot behind us who, during a crucial scene in Antigone, said: Just kill the bitch. Even Borat would never be that crude.
The continuing laundry saga! And good to see you’re getting to the bottom of it using your journalistic skills.
3 kaz // Oct 25, 2006 at 4:49 am
ryc….
I’ve had aol since the beginning of time and love my primary email address.
Now aol is free, so like…it’s free! So what are you bustin’ my chops abowt HUH?
4 ARboiWundr23 // Oct 25, 2006 at 6:43 am
I just love your neighbors’ micro-drama! Very Melrose Place, minus the rampant sex.
God, I hate people who talk throughout the entire movie!! My sister is one of those people. We actually got asked to leave ’cause of her mouth. We were watching the movie “Seven” and she had previously seen it. We got to the last scene where he is in the desert and there is a “gift” for him…and full volume my sister said, “Watch this, it is so sad!! His wife’s head is in the box!!” Needless to say, people weren’t so happy.
Have fun with your little melodrama!!
5 Kathryn // Oct 25, 2006 at 8:14 am
another shining example of why I will never live live anywhere where I do not have my very own washer and dryer ever again
6 michael5000 // Oct 25, 2006 at 8:42 am
Ugh, another rules-sign. Maybe you could cover it with a sign that says “No Signs Allowed.”
7 Corbow // Oct 25, 2006 at 11:50 am
Well, if the neighbor who put up the first sign recognizes and admits that he was a pain in the ass, maybe he’ll realize that the new sign is a reasonable reaction and not make a stink. We can always hope, right?
8 rubyblue123 // Oct 25, 2006 at 12:25 pm
It feels so wrong to laugh at Borat but it’s so effing funny you can’t help it.
I wish someone else other than me would just DO laundry. They could leave it there for hours and I wouldn’t care as long as it wasn’t me moving it from machine to machine. Maybe I need to give the wee ones some growth hormone……or laundry lessons.
9 squeaks // Oct 25, 2006 at 2:07 pm
Blagh, I hate people who do that. I experienced something like this during a screening of Return of the Jedi. Someone was repeating every single line in the movie in a mumble.
10 Uncle Joe // Oct 26, 2006 at 3:38 am
Dosen’t seem like Portland has a very cosiderate population. I say bitch
slap the movie talker and kick Mr. Don’t” touch my laundry “right in the
balls if he acts up again. Uncle Joe