Let’s talk about etiquette, shall we? Yes, we shall, because it recently became a hot-button issue over here at my apartment complex and I’d like to take a quick poll of readers’ opinions on the subject.
The scenario:
My new roommate (who is vegan, by the way, so he definitely doesn’t eat alligators or armadillos) needed to do laundry, but someone’s clothes were co-opting the washer. He waited approximately one hour, and then decided to place the offending clothes on top of the dryer and go about washing his load.
Well, my next-door neighbor, who happens to have a bit of a temper and a penchant for blaming the world for everything, came home from work to discover that his clothes had been moved and went APE SHIT. I mean, we’re talking a full-out “whothefucktouchedmylaundryfuckinghellthat’s fuckingbullshitwhatthefuckIdon’ttouchanyone else’sclothesFUCKYOU” screaming sesh out in the courtyard. My roommate went outside to apologize, only to have my neighbor say, “No, it’s okay,” then go inside and continue, very audibly, with his tirade.
Now, normally I get along quite well with said temper-tantrum thrower, as generally speaking I just keep my mouth shut because some things are not worth arguing about. Plus, we help each other out: I walk his daughter to school in the mornings, for instance, and he occasionally pet-sits for Chelsea. But when you go all passive-aggressive on my new roommate for reasons that are absolutely beyond absurd, I get upset.
Maybe it’s just me, but I follow a “you snooze, you lose” laundry policy. I mean, there’s only one freaking washing machine for all ten units, and if you have the audicity to start a load before you head off to work, then you better be prepared to deal with the consequences when you get home. When I went over to my neighbor’s to talk to him about it, he told me that it is “laundry etiquette” to knock on everyone’s doors and find the person whose clothes are in the way and politely request that he or she move them.
Come on! Even Mr. Rogers wouldn’t have done that. Moreover, Mr. Rogers would have had the decency to refrain from shouting obscenities at the brand-new neighbor, and would have instead knocked on his door and offered him a fruit cake or fresh-baked cookies or something neighborly like that.
In every place I have ever lived, my forgotten laundry ends up piled somewhere waiting for me to finish it. Sure, it sucks when someone drops half of it on the floor, or when they remove it from the dryer when it’s still kind of damp, but you know what? It’s my fault for not taking care of it. So if you care that much about what happens to your clothes, then you should be there to babysit them. Pick up a book and pull up a chair, because you’re doing your fucking laundry.
Frankly, I’m such a slacker when it comes to laundry that I once had my clothes held hostage in a laundromat overnight. I completely forgot about my clothes until 20 minutes to closing time, and evidently the proprietors of the joint had decided to throw in the handtowel early that evening because the entire place was chained up and empty by the time I arrived. I was pissed, for sure, but she who neglects her laundry has no grounds for complaint.
Anyway, in the most neighborly way possible, we agreed to disagree about what constitutes laundry etiquette. He put a sign on the dryer that reads, “DO NOT TOUCH PEOPLES [sic] LAUNDRY, ASK THEM 1ST” and I am resisting the urge to hang one next it that reads, “Do not leave clothing unattended. Unattended laundry will be relocated.”
So, now I ask you: what would Emily Post do in my roommate’s situation? Wait patiently for days on end until her neighbor gets around to finishing the load? Give up and simply go to a laundromat? Knock on everyone’s door and leave notes for the people who weren’t home until the culprit comes clean? Or simply plop the laundry on top of the dryer?
What would you do?
Your idea for a sign is great. Better yet call the management and have them write the sign. The neighbor is not being neighborly nor does he make the rules. If you explain the problem, I am sure the management would agree with you. You could even offer to write the sign for them. I bet they would appreciate it. Then you could sign it “The Management.” Others probably have had the same problem. Right. Knock on ten doors? My bum. That is not right or any type of etiquette.
The sign would be a very diplomatic way to do it.
In a younger day, his laundry would have made very interesting doggie clothes and even some shrubbery/flagpole/car antenna decorations. What a solid ass he was.
Glad to hear you have a new roomie who not only washes his clothes but is also a vegan. Sweet. Here’s hoping the laundry hog doesn’t scare him off.
I, too, like your idea for a sign. It is most certainly NOT laundry etiquette to have to pound on ten doors to find the forgetful washerperson (and if said washerperson doesn’t answer, what are you supposed to do then?)
But it’s a bigger problem that the management has seen fit to provide only one washer for ten units. Even in the cheap apartments where I and friends have lived, I’ve never seen such a stingy ratio. Maybe a chat with the management regarding installation of an additional machine or two is in order.
I don’t know about Emily Post, but i can tell you for damn sure that I’m not walking around to knock on people’s doors. That guy has a double standard on kindness, doesn’t he? I would have done the same thing as your new roomie. And I would probably put up the sign too, but mostly because I am a bit of a hothead when people are passive aggressive. I can’t believe he started his load, went to WORK, and expected it to be untouched when he came back. Unless his work is a male prostitute, and he’ll only be gone for an hour, he should probably count on 8 hours being a little intrusive on that whole ettiqutte thing.
I used to utilize a laundromat that had attendents, and if someone needed a washer or dryer and there were some finished but filled, they would ask everyone in the laundromat and, if no one claimed them, move the clothes into a basket so the next customer could use the machine. They did not check at the pizzeria or video store next door or drive through the neighborhood. So I say, if the professionals take the you-snooze-you-lose view of laundry etiquette, that’s good enough for me.
Oh, and you may want to sneak an apostrophe into his PEOPLES [sic] just to do the world a favor.
This is why when I lived in an apartment building, I always just went to the laundromat. It forced me to stay with my clothes, and then nobody would touch them, either.
When I was in college, I was not above relocating things out of a dryer. I always a) picked one that had sheets and towels and b) I always folded said sheets and towels. I usually needed something to do while waiting for my own stuff and figured that whoever the stuff belonged to would be happy that it got folded.
Dear Dirty Laundry ,
Tell your neighbor that his mother dosen’t live here anymore and
that he needs to grow up and finish what he starts.It is really rude of him to leave
his laundry unattented for so long ,especially since the machine is part of the small
complex where everyone knows each other.
Ignore his sign and if the incident occurs again inform him that in
the future you will not extend him the courtesy of knocking on his door but will
remove his laundry and place it on the nearest surface.
Short of this just tell him to go F*** himself.
Uncle Joe
PS. If you want I will come out and kick hie ass!!!!
I would have absolutely put the clothes on top of the dryer. That’s completely disrespectful to make everyone else wait.
I agree. You should expect your stuff to be moved if you’re a punk who hogs the only washing machine. Why are your clothes any more important than someone else’s? Take care of your own stuff and this sort of thing won’t happen, Mr. Neighbor.
Might be a great question for the real Emily Post, of course heavy editing would be needed. You could post both question and answer in the laundry room.
Paul
P.S. If that doesn’t work I’ll come out with Uncle Joe to help kick his ass.
It is the guys own fault that his clothes were moved. Who starts their laundry before they leave for work? That is very inconsiderate for the whole appartment complex!
I’m glad that you are a nicer person than I am. Instead of a sign, I would have waited until he did laundry next and, when he is not there, add a half box of facial tissues. Then the guy would actually have something legitimate to yell and rant about!
How’s your building management? Are they fairly responsible? If they are, I’d ask them to instate a policy (which they should really already have). EVERYONE knows that in a public laundry area, you’re the one responsible for your own crap. I have no idea what Emily Post would do, but if I were you, I’d post the sign. Neighbor doesn’t have to know it was you.
Heck, I’d probably take his down, and put one up that looked official and was signed “Thanks, management.”
I would “relocate” their laundry. It is HIS mistake for leaving it there in the first place. It wouldn’t be rude to move it, it is rude to leave it.
This reminds me a fair bit of my college days. People would leave their clothes in the washer or dryer, go off for a few hours, and expect their stuff to be exactly where they left them upon their return.
Rarely was this ever the case though and while some people either didn’t mind or at least accepted that their clothing was moved some people would go on a vile tirade. Sometimes the vile tirades were semi-justified though as some impatient individuals would remove the laundry from the machine and proceed to either throw it all in the nasty, dusty space behind the machines, in the trashcan, or out the window.
My last year was spent living as an RA so I got to hear plenty of frustrated folks from both sides of the argument. Sometimes people just need to grow up and learn to accept responsibility and sometimes they need to learn a little more patience.
I hope your non-meat eating roommate accidentally dropped and stepped on some of the neighbor’s delicates. What a wanker. I got most of my personal reading done while waiting for the washer and dryer to finish. I don’t read quite as much now that I own my own. Not that I’d trade to go back to the laundromat because that really does suck.
Dear Put-Upon in Portland
If a laundry load is finished in an apartment building, it is absolutely common practice to remove it and put it on top of the machine. There was no reason for your new roommate to wait for an hour to do this.
I’ve actually never heard of anybody objecting to this before. It’s an obvious necessity of apartment living. Dude might as well complain about you breathing too much of the building’s air.
I wouldn’t make a new sign, just take the neighbor’s down. Signs are so rules-y. But if you have a good relationship with the apartment manager, it might be worth mentioning what’s going on. Your neighbor is clearly packing some control issues.
-EmilyPost5000
leave the sign. it’s first come/ 1st serve and he LEFT! ok, or you can just take his down. I’m sure the rest of the building will do it anyway.
You roommate was correct in moving the laundry. I do the same here at my building. We have two washers and two dryers for 14 units. When someone leaves their shit in the washer, I wait some time and then I put it on the folding board. I don’t fold it. I just throw it in a pile. Then I go about doing my laundry.
That neighbor is a schmuck.
You, of course, are right. And your apostrophe-challenged neighbor is wrong. Every place I ever lived in, including college dorms, had the “you snooze, you lose.” Policy. Knocking on everyone’s door is asinine.
Lynn
I think your roomie was right in moving the laundry. What kind of idiot thinks that everyone should wait while his laundry just sits there, or that you should actually go door to door asking whose it is. Goodness!! As for the note by the washer, he’s stepped over the line. I find that most complexes don’t let you post anything unless the building manager has okayed it… and I’m assuming this guy didn’t go through that avenue. I’d check it out with the super by non-chalantly saying, “Hey, are we allowed to post things in the laundry room?… wait for answer… “no? because Mr. so-and-so…”. It’s a bit low, but it might do the trick. Don’t let it get so far that he’s actually harrasing you, and if it does get that far, make sure you record it and report it.
Okay, that’s my advice!
Hi there!! Thank you so much for your comment – yeah we’re much better off as friends.
Hey I love this post. To answer your question, fuck your neighbor and keep plopping other people’s unattended laundry on top of it if they have the nerve to leave it there. Their laundry is their responsibility. Not the person who has to do laundry after their’s. It’s all about sharing.
Maybe an organization should be started called PAUL (would be convenient if the guy’s name is Paul lmao) – People Against Unattended Laundry.
take care,
Wow this seems like a hot issue. I actually move my roommates laundry without asking and we have a washer and dryer in the house. Normally I would put it in the dryer because of course I don’t have to pay for it. But still, I probably wouldn’t bother to knock on his door first.
Teague
RYC: Being a Buffy fan, I check on whedonesque.com every day. They list different news stories and links that relate to “Buffy,” “Angel” and “Firefly.” That video just happened to be listed. It’s crazy, isn’t it?
ryc: You talk about Chelsea and I can picture her. Just dropping by to wish all of you well.
The dude shouldn’t freak, no one likes a swearing tirade, however if he had it timed out to come back in say 50 minutes, and the dryer only takes 45, ya gotta give him that 5 minute gap. If the clothes are still wet, you gotta give em that space. It’s easier for him to continue than to have his wet ass clothes stinkin up the laundry room whilst he angrily lurks behind your dryer load.
Duuuuude. Clearly Tantrum-Thrower never went to college.
laundry. dryer. on top. don’t drop em. if there’s a basket, put em in the basket. be polite, that’s some fucking ettiquette for you, and it works both ways.
dunno if you remember me, i used to read you under jaqz at xanga. it’s whiskeyjaqz now.
glad you’re still around, i love your writing.