It’s official, folks. When Asa’s alarm went off at five-fucking-thirty this morning, it finally hit me: I’ve lived in Portland for an entire year.
I moved here in late September last year, just before Asa began his diesel mechanics classes that start every morning at the very unreasonable hour of seven o’clock. His alarm clock—a mechanized chirpy sound emanating from his palm pilot—would herald dawn so he could wake up and catch his shuttle bus at 6 AM. More often than not, it seemed, he’d press the SNOOZE button and we’d end up hearing that chirpity-chirp crap every five minutes for entirely too long, or until one of us would open our eyes and realize the sky was a little too bright for 5:30 in the morning. And inevitably, I’d drive him to school.
CHIRPITY-CHIRP. CHIRPITY-CHIRP. He didn’t miss the bus this morning, and I happily rolled back into sleep. I woke up three hours later, well-rested and slightly sore (had another frisbee tournament this weekend) and I realized that something needs to change.
In one year, I’ve learned to play frisbee. I’ve had yet another newspaper internship and I’ve finally figured out that I’m probably not cut out to be a journalist. I’ve almost entirely stopped eating meat. I’ve lost a brother, and my dog’s gained a brain tumor. I’ve made friends, I quit a job, and I grew my first tomato. I went on my first backpacking trip and I sewed my first dog bed. I pooped in a public restroom and then, later while backpacking, in the woods (these are BIG accomplishments, you have no idea). I’ve volunteered as an ESL tutor. I’ve lived with my boyfriend. I’ve cut my hair twice, and driven to Canada with with a fellow New Yorker once.
So this isn’t to say that the past 12 months haven’t been eventful. But I don’t feel like they’ve been particularly productive.
I’ve been half-heartedly looking for a job for entirely too long now. I’ve been kinda-sorta trying to be a freelance writer, but the reality is that I haven’t had much in the way of inspiration to write anything and most of the work I have done has been volunteer contributions to local nonprofits. I am living off of money I’m lucky to have from unlucky circumstances, but this can’t go on much longer and frankly I don’t want it to. It’s pathetic.
I haven’t figured out yet what needs to change, but I think it’s a step in the right direction that I’m publicly admitting that a problem exists.
Anyway, on the fluffier side, here’s a somewhat blurry picture of Chelsea’s inaugural sit on her brand new homemade pillow—the stuffing has since settled, so the shape is much more normal now. The flat, green bed underneath it is the one it’s replacing:
Doesn’t she look well-padded? Asa pointed out that I should’ve picked a darker fabric to hide the dirt, but I don’t mind! I think it’s pretty.
18 responses so far ↓
1 Laura Squiddichino // Sep 25, 2006 at 1:49 pm
That’s an adorable dog pillow; I like the bright colors, and the pattern would even look great in monochrome black/white.
My 2-year anniversary living in Los Angeles is coming up in a few weeks, as my password reset reminder keeps well, reminding me. I know exactly what you mean about needing a change. It’s entirely too comfortable just lolly gagging along in life, but then again, it’s pleasant.
Sounds like you’re having new experiences and though you’re making plans, life is getting you anyway. You have plenty of talent and a lot of life choices left to make – be creative and have fun! Oh yes, and blog about it.
2 Cheryl // Sep 25, 2006 at 2:08 pm
Huh, I feel the exact same way but I already have a job… albeit a crappy dead-ended one but it at least pays the bills. However, I’m feeling I need a change, too.
3 Boo // Sep 25, 2006 at 2:19 pm
The pillow is pretty and it looks comfortable too. You have accomplished quite a bit this year but I also understand what it is like to not accomplish that which you want. And we are our own harshest critics too.
I don’t know, the stuff I’ve read makes you out to be a good journalist, but even if that is not something you do wish to pursue I would hope that you would still write. There are other types of writing jobs and maybe one of those would suit you better. Still, I have this urge to tell you not to give up! Even though I do not know the extent of the problems, I have been witness to some of the writing. And it is always pleasure to read.
Whatever you decide your next step will be, I wish you luck with it.
4 thinlizzy17 // Sep 25, 2006 at 2:38 pm
Move over Chelsea, that bed looks comfy. Heh.
It’s easy to feel like you’re treading water when you look back and see what’s gone on over the course of the last year (or two or whatever). It makes me wonder, though, if that’s what *living* is. And then it makes me sad. But then again, you’ve had a great year and an adventure, and isn’t that worth something?
5 Bob // Sep 25, 2006 at 5:35 pm
Laura,
There is a very simple solution to your dilemma…”just do what it takes”..
“You can’t fail if you don’t give up”…
Bob
6 Natalie // Sep 25, 2006 at 5:44 pm
I think that’s a great set of colours for a dog pillow! Even for a regular pillow! Good job on the sewing adventure
7 Corbow // Sep 26, 2006 at 12:31 am
Chelsea looks very comfortable–nice job on the pillow.
I too think you’ve done a lot in the past year. It may seem like not much if you had lofty plans, but sometimes I think we just need to float and explore a little. In some ways I’m in a similar boat as you: I left a stable job to follow an artistic impulse, haven’t yet been as successful at it as I need to be, and am living on a small inheritance which I should be saving for retirement. I often have trouble summoning the artistic muse, and a restless urge to make some sort of change nags at me. We both have a journey to enjoy.
8 TimsHead // Sep 26, 2006 at 3:46 am
Actually, the bright colors are pretty neat. It says festive even if Chelsea mainly looks like she wants to fall asleep.
You’re far too good a writer not to use that gift in some way. I understand that journalism can be a freaky beast, but the right job in it can be rewarding. I would think Portland’s art scene should lend itself to some opportunities in promotion or public relations. I guess the message I preach is patience.
Hey, I’m going back to Canada this week! It’s a bus of mostly college/alumni types to the Chilifest in Kingston (Ontario). I presume we won’t be stopped at the border and I won’t be questioned as to how I know people. For whatever reason, the whole story and adventure seem funnier to me as time goes by.
9 rubyblue123 // Sep 26, 2006 at 10:42 am
That bed says love, yes it does. I like the bright colors, screw the dirt.
Not only have you lived in Portland for a year but I’ve been reading your blog for over a year! Where the hell did the time go?
I can’t imagine you not being a writer. I suspect it’s a matter of the right opportunity not presenting itself yet. Don’t tuck away that pencil just yet.
10 michael5000 // Sep 26, 2006 at 2:27 pm
Probably what you need to do is pour even more time into the volunteering. Especially the Tutoring. That should do the trick.
11 inavacuum // Sep 27, 2006 at 2:38 am
Chelsea looks very happy in her new bed. I’m always impressed when people make things for themselves. It really shows that you care.
12 Uncle Joe // Sep 27, 2006 at 4:10 am
Love the Dog Bed..The Chello is as beautiful as ever.What your doing is living and
that is good.Don’t be to hard on yourself,this family has been through much.
Be glad you have had the time,and now just change the direction.
You could be a fine journalist ,it all takes time .The money is there to help you.
Yes the circumstances you recieved it was not one which any of us would choose ,but it is there to help you be anything you want. Grad school maybe?
Big Love,
Uncle Joe
13 Jacque // Sep 28, 2006 at 7:41 am
I like the dog bed!! I’m sure Chelsea loves it too.
14 Lynn // Sep 28, 2006 at 5:49 pm
RYC: I liked your comments on my pharmacy thing. I was just sort of blathering on the keyboard and that came out. Glad you liked it and it sparked memories.
Lynn
15 brand (aka bastettom) // Sep 29, 2006 at 10:22 pm
Listen to your Uncle Joe.
Your year reminds me of two that I had consecutively. In the first, my sister and grandmother died, my house was broken into, I changed jobs, had my knee operated on, reached my frist significant professional milestones, lost my best friend because he maried a woman who didn’t much care for me, and finished a degree.
In the second, my cat died, I moved to a foreign country, had a really lousy working situation, got evicted and harassed by a roommate, and lived to some extent off of inheritance.
Hang in there. In the words of Evan Davis, “Someday we’ll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.”
As I said, listen to your Uncle Joe.
Take care,
brad
16 brand // Sep 30, 2006 at 1:32 am
Thanks for your comment in my guest book. I remember admiring that advice on thinlizzy17′s site. I didn’t realize it was the same Uncle Joe. I want to party with this guy. : – )
Take care,
brad
17 Stain // Sep 30, 2006 at 11:40 am
Stain-o,
If you think you’re not a journalist, you must have that same nasty crap in your eyes that Chelsea oozes. LOOK AT THIS BLOG. I was just riveted about poop in the woods and frisbee (SO not interesting in any other forum). That’s talent, OK? You were born to write, you do it even when you don’t have to, and if you’re not a straight-ahead newsman, so the fuck what? There are other media niches for you and you will find them. I love you and I think you’re the best writer I know personally. And I know, like, 12!
Love,
Stain
18 Mandie // Oct 6, 2006 at 7:03 am
Man…I can’t believe I am just now reading this…don’t give up your journalism dream. You’re too good for that. You really are. Maybe sitcoms? You have had enough crazy ass experiences to fill at least one season…right?