My neighbors went off to the coast for a couple of days, leaving yours truly in charge of their dog and potbelly pig.
“Eww, how disgusting!” was my mother’s reaction to the idea of a pig as my next door neighbor.
Actually, Girdie isn’t disgusting, per se, but she sure takes some getting used to. First, there’s that whole ‘cute pink pig’ image you have to get beyond. True, I grew up in a city so maybe I’m just ignorant, but I had no idea that some pigs aren’t pink in real life. Pink and soft is cute. Brownish grey with Brillo-esque fur—not quite as cute.
Then there’s the noise thing. Pigs don’t always ‘oink.’ In fact, more often then not, they squeal, and it sounds more like “IEEEEEEENNNNNNCCHHHH!!! IEEEEENNNNNNNNCCHHHHHHHH!!” than “oink oink.” Girdie only oinks when she’s happy, and let me tell you, she’s only happy about 7.3% of the time. The rest of the day she runs around accusing you of committing a heinous act, such as this morning when I—heaven forbid—added some lettuce to her pig chow.
There’s also a speed issue. Pigs are fat and Girdie is no exception—her belly jiggles along the sidewalk as she walks—but that doesn’t mean she can’t run like the dickens when she wants to. So you think you’re safe because she’s all the way across the courtyard vacuuming up the bird seed underneath the feeder, and then you accidentally trip over her food bowl and she hears it. All of a sudden, without as much as a moment to blink, there’s an ugly wire-haired pig running at you full-throttle, and damned if you don’t get out of her way because you’re standing between her and a possible piece of food scrap, and that’s not okay with her.
So she can be a little frightening, but truth be told she’s actually a little cute. Not always, but sometimes. For instance, I like to save my apple cores for her because she gobbles them up like an ATM sucks in your bank card. I find that to be rather cute. Also, if you leave, say, the tops of some strawberries lying out in the lawn for her, when my neighbors let her outside a few hours later, her little pig nose of a radar directs her right to them without missing a beat. That’s cute, too. And then there’s her tendency to eat grass and pee at the exact same time—not so much cute as it is hilarious. Food is such a priority for this pig that she won’t even take a break to take a leak.
See? Not exactly cute.
This is cute. Bogey (my neighbor’s dog) is lying in the swimming pool guarding it from Girdie, who is longingly eyeing the refreshing water despite her irrational fear of it.
Chelsea just likes to wander aimlessly around the courtyard and I’m not entirely convinced she knows she lives next door to a pig.
14 responses so far ↓
1 Natalie // May 30, 2006 at 5:27 pm
so cute!! Yeah, and the peeing thing is cute too as long as it’s not in the house, right?
2 TimsHead // May 30, 2006 at 5:32 pm
One year, my mom and her boyfriend bought a couple of pigs to churn up land for a garden in the meadow below where they live. Cinnamon (who was reddish) and Gillette (a razorback) really were like pets. Big, hungry, very powerful pets. I won’t discuss what happened after they had done their assigned duty. At least Girdie has firmly established her ground as a pet. And she didn’t hoover any $20 bills, right?
Hmm. My first comment on the new site, and it’s pretty unimpressive on my part. Well, at least future mydogischelsea.com comments can only improve.
3 Tristin // May 30, 2006 at 5:35 pm
hilarious.
thanks for the laugh!
and good luck with Girdie; i’ll keep in mind that if given an opportunity to pig-sit, i’ll accept graciously.
4 Boo // May 30, 2006 at 6:04 pm
She does look only 7.3% happy! So they aren’t pink but they do eat like machines. At least some of the myth is true. This was hilarious and you are really kind to watch them.
Good lord, the idea of that thing running full blast down upon me is frightening. I don’t know why, she doesn’t seem to have jaws like a pitbull but your description and the look of determination in her face is quite intimidating.
Yeah, I do not htink I will be getting one of those as a apet. The dogs are cute though. Of course Chelsea is the cutest!
5 Keisha Dawn // May 30, 2006 at 8:37 pm
This is kind of Charlotte’s Web… but not really…
Cute pig… does Bogey and Chelsea get along? my apologies if you’ve already described their friendship (or lack thereof) in an earlier post… I’m a new reader…
6 Emily // May 30, 2006 at 9:56 pm
Aww, he’s not ugly! I think he’s adorable. When I was little I always wanted a pet monkey and a pet pig…
7 Jaki O // May 31, 2006 at 5:36 am
I love the pig! I love that you’re pig-sitting and now you’ll have tons of stories for us.
8 Uncle Joe // May 31, 2006 at 9:50 am
Ok…This reminds me of Arnold Ziffel on Green Acres..see if she will take to a little fat free yougart
9 kaz // May 31, 2006 at 6:36 pm
That’s the good kind of pig to live next door to.
10 kaz // May 31, 2006 at 6:37 pm
And, yes. I did indeed dangle a participle.
I like to live on the edge.
11 Chicagoartgirl23 // Jun 1, 2006 at 5:32 am
Great new site! It looks really lovely and this entry is fantastic. The pig in profile is especially hideous. I love it!
12 edudlooc13 // Jun 1, 2006 at 8:21 am
Of all the pets one could have…
;o
13 aropeofsand // Jun 1, 2006 at 1:10 pm
Hey! Thank you for the nice comment! The story about the pig is hillarious! From someone who lived in the country: we ALL want them to be pink and cuddly. They kind of scare me.
14 Jay_Galk26 // Jun 13, 2006 at 3:21 pm
My friend Cokehead had a potbelly big…damn thing was ugly as sin and really I tried to avoid it at all cost.
Jay {Brad Pitt…in a robe} “Rawr”