Our neighbor to the south has a habit of walking around naked in front of her open windows. I’ve never seen it myself, but Asa has reportedly seen her at least three times cruising the house sans clothes. Apparently, late Saturday night she had a gentleman caller—also naked—and Asa, who woke up in the middle of the night and discovered the show, tried to wake me up to see it, too, but I didn’t so much as stir. I always sleep through the best things!
But anyway, I came here today to talk about fondue, which I’ve only ever had once and don’t remember liking very much. Asa found a fondue cookbook in a big pile of crap on the side of the road a few months ago, and only now have I actually opened it’s musty cover. The first thing that caught my eye was the fact that the editors very blatantly jacked their font from the Joy of Cooking; the second was the ridiculous prose in the introduction.
And so, without further ado, I will share with you some choice passages from Fondue on the Menu (published in 1973 by Golden Press, New York):
Fondue is fun—fun for a hostess, fun for her guests. So it’s a sure-fire hit, perfect party fare. Chances are you’ve already made this happy discovery. But have you ever wanted to try “something different” in fondue? Or have you wondered what else to serve with fondue for a really successful party? If so, then this book is for you… Go ahead. Have some fun—have fondue.
The above came from the left jacket foldy thing. Note that I read that passage out loud to my friend, who responded, “Oh god, how cheesy!” Anyway, for the introduction:
Fondue! What began as a simple Swiss peasant meal born of necessity progressed to become a trademark of Swiss cuisine; today, it occupies a prominent place in the entertaining plans of American hostesses.
[Duh, men never host dinner parties.]
What led to this phenomenal popularity? Why does the fondue pot now threaten to displace the chafing dish for at-home entertaining this side of the Atlantic?
Well—the fondue party is easy; it’s convivial; it’s different; and it allows the hostess to be a partygoer, too.
Clearly, none of these is a conclusive reason, but it hardly matters—what is clear is that fondue is here to stay.
[Just like bellbottoms.... and chafing dishes.]
Without a fondue pot, you can’t have a fondue party.
[This is the most philosophical line yet. It's the fondue version of "If a tree falls in a forest and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?" The passage goes on to advise us on our fondue pot purchase—metal pots are the most versatile, earthenware ones are great for cheese and dessert fondues, but could crack if you try to cook a meat fondue in them because of high heat. So don't ever try it. Ever!]
You have an earthenware pot; your cheese fondues are always a smash and you’re thinking of trying a meat fondue for a change? Great! But before you rush out and buy a special pot, try a beef fondue in your electric skillet. Get your family’s opinion and then decide whether a new pot is a smart investment.
[WTF is an electric skillet? Anyway, several boring paragraphs follow—the only highlight here is the reference to someone who makes fondue often as a "dedicated fondue-r."]
Many menus are keyed to international themes—a bonanza for the hostess who revels in entertaining with flair right down to the background music and appropriate decor.
[An in-depth discussion ensues about how you should NEVER serve water with fondue—it doesn't sit well—and you should always serve wine. They go on to tell us how to open a bottle: "Slit and remove foil cap. Remove any mold from around the cork with a damp cloth; uncork and wipe the inside of the bottle lip before decanting." I was unaware that wine bottles grew mold around the cork, but maybe that was just a 70s thing.]
There you are—all set to entertain at your first or your 101st fondue party. Fire up the pot, light the candles and pour the wine. ahead of you lies a memorable evening of good food and good conversation with good friends.
13 responses so far ↓
1 ARboiWundr23 // May 22, 2006 at 9:36 am
Awww…memories of yester-year! I fondly (fondue-ly) remember my parents hosting such parties when I was a child. They usually coresponded with the show casing of Tupperware or Amway. I was presented with the now seldom used fondue pot several years ago when I moved out. I’ve only used it once…it was a bitch to clean!!
2 thinlizzy17 // May 22, 2006 at 11:17 am
I *love* old cookbooks for this reason alone. My mom learned to cook out of Betty Crocker (no shame in that). The pie section, as I recall, started out with a little narrative that went something like, “you love your husband. What better way to show him you care than with pie!” I remember being about 20 and reading this (I always just skipped to the page with the actual recipe on it) and laughing. And then reading it to my mom and both of us laughing so hard that the dog got worried about us.
I also like old 60s and 70s cookbooks with photos. Some of those photos are downright disgusting. And hilarious.
3 Boowasborn // May 22, 2006 at 11:40 am
I remember when they were big deals. I have one too. My aunt gave it to me, I think she thought I would entertain or something. I remember losing all the sticks from playing stab your sister with them and using them as screw drivers in a pinch. I think they all come in rust, avacado and burnt yellow.(At least at the garage sales where I’ve seen them.) Those were the fashionable colors of kitchen ware then. I bought some (pre-made foil packed)fondue recently in a misguided attempt to replicate a recipe for another cheese dish and it just isn’t as much fun without the sticks. How they can make poking foods into gooey cheese or chocolate or oil sound so mannered is funny. No mention of the drippy clean up whatsoever. Lovely! Though it is tastey.
4 rubyblue123 // May 22, 2006 at 12:11 pm
I think fondue was the 70’s excuse to have swinger’s parties.
5 keishadawn1 // May 22, 2006 at 4:36 pm
Despite the amusing synopsis on fondue, I can’t get over your neighbor walking around naked in open windows…
6 TimsHead // May 22, 2006 at 5:11 pm
That writing sounds more like 1953 than 1973. How friggin’ archaic. Was there a man smoking a pipe graphic somewhere?You half expect a list of fon-do’s and fon-don’ts with copy of that cheese factor.Oh, we had an electric skillet growing up. But it was probably older than your fondue cookbook. And perhaps more useful.
7 redhotslippergirl // May 22, 2006 at 6:50 pm
that naked thing is like that one epside of Sex in the City. I walk around the house naked (well.. top-naked) all the time. Especially in the summer. I usually close the blinds though. There you go, more information then you’ll ever need!
8 transvestite_rabbit // May 22, 2006 at 8:09 pm
MEAT fondue? WTF?
9 Gabeisms // May 22, 2006 at 8:47 pm
My thoughts exactly… MEAT FONDUE!?!?! (Dip such things as marshmellows and fruit in liquid meat?! Nah)Positive Vibes!
10 VirtuallySane // May 22, 2006 at 11:56 pm
I have to confess, I LOVE fondue — especially meat fondue. But heating oil in a large open pan like an electric skillet (my mom had one… never really understood the point as it’s just a big frying pan)?? To crib a term from TimsHead, that definitely sounds like a fon-don’t!
11 Rod_Lamour // May 23, 2006 at 2:02 am
Did the cook book suggest having a naked Fondue dinner party? Your neighbor might want to participate. There was a Fondue resturant up at the beach here ,called Nice Nellies back in the 70’s that your father was involved with. It did’t really do well but I did have my 24th birthday party there.
12 rekirsch // May 23, 2006 at 5:02 am
Hey, I’ve had a fondue party! Not only fondue. There may have been nachos.
:: Even better to have finished Sunday’s, but I’m not sure god could do that.
13 Jay_Galk26 // Jun 13, 2006 at 3:58 pm
I used to have neighbors that did wacky stuff, but they moved, leaving me bored. Oh, and you said meat, that means I get to go call a boy now.
Jay {Brad Pitt…in a robe} “Rawr”