My picture’s in the paper, alongside this article in which I accidentally use the word “sprung” in two consecutive sentences. It is an absolute mystery to me how I can read and re-read the same freaking story 13,475 times while it’s still on my computer and not notice such a glitch, and then the second it comes out in print it’s the first thing my eye looks at. Eh, oh well. I guess you can’t blame me, I was freaking STARVING. Speaking of starving, here’s a link to another food story I wrote, in case you all are horrifically bored (can you tell I am?) and feel the need to read stories about restaurants that are located thousands and thousands of miles away.
I got word from a friend via email today that my “blog, though reeking of contentment, is a bit less entertaining. Angst becomes you.” Sheesh. Harsh words, I must say. Though I can also say that his blog has become decidedly less entertaining considering that he hasn’t updated since the Pope died.
I guess I need to step it up a notch. You’d think a story about the time I blocked up a friend’s parents’ toilet would have done the trick, but I guess not. I have others, you know. One involves a week-long camping field trip during my sophomore year of college where my geology professor actually joined me in a single-stalled gas station bathroom to help me plunge and then sat down to pee as I was washing my hands. Then, of course, she told the bus driver about the extravaganza and so when everyone got back to the bus, the driver got on the loud speaker and publicly congratulated me for my accomplishment. This was my fault, of course, because I had been very vocal all week long about the fact that I absolutely cannot poop in public restrooms. This got to be quite a problem, you see—so much so that a fellow classmate, now about to go on trial for saving the lives of three very sick men, had even tried to teach me how to do the camping poop-squat and use rocks for toilet paper. I can’t say I ever really mastered that one.
I’d like to pretend that I’m an outdoorsy kind-of-gal, but in reality, I like my privacy and flush toilets.
In other news, Chelsea and I are about to head to the vet to get her fitted for a satellite dish collar, which is a whole ‘nother story (and isn’t related to pooping, thankfully). Sorry for all of this meaningless drivel—but it basically sums up my week.
22 responses so far ↓
1 the_Vis // Mar 30, 2006 at 1:34 pm
Annie’s Doughnuts as a first stop was a wise, wise choice. My doughnut-eating companions gave up sweets for Lent and I haven’t had a doughnut since then. I’m looking forward to a post-Easter doughtnut binge.
2 fern_forest // Mar 30, 2006 at 1:37 pm
that was so me with my thesis. read it 13,475 times. sent it in to be bound. vowed to not look at it for at least a year. picked it up maybe four months later. punctuation error - in the abstract! yes, before even page one. rocks for toilet paper? Yeesh. I’m a backpacker, but clearly not as hardcore as some.
3 TimsHead // Mar 30, 2006 at 1:38 pm
I loved the $40 article. It had a novel concept, an engaging point of view and lively writing (the double sprung notwithstanding). Of course, other readers/editors are supposed to catch these things that the original writer can easily miss.Also enjoyable was the seeming contradiction of an article on authentic cheap eats having the following two ads in the intruder box: An opportunity to own a Desert Moon franchise restaurant and a promotion for salads and Wendy’s. Oh Mr. Internet Ad Engine, you are an ironic bastard.Suddenly whatever I was planning to have or not have for dinner seems woefully inadequate. But that just means you’ve done well.
4 anth0nyc // Mar 30, 2006 at 2:16 pm
the secret is to print it out and proof it… i dont know why.. works for me
5 ARboiWundr23 // Mar 30, 2006 at 2:18 pm
RYC: Well…I guess I couldn’t pull the wool over your eyes! I accidently deleted the originals so I had to post the closest equivalents that I had.
6 redhotslippergirl // Mar 30, 2006 at 2:29 pm
so are you living in portland right now? how do you like it? Max and I will be moving (who knows where) in about a year’s time, so we always keep an ear out about other places.
7 derf6179 // Mar 30, 2006 at 2:36 pm
Great article. Great writing, even with sprung x2!
8 TimsHead // Mar 30, 2006 at 3:07 pm
ryc: Of course I have a coffee grinder. And Chock Full O’ Nuts is that heavenly coffee … better coffee a millionaire’s money can’t buy!As far as my itinerary, the conference in May 10 to 12, letting out at noon on Friday. Then my flight back from SeaTac is Sunday, May 14 … late morning, I think. Here’s the blog entry with all the details for further reference.
9 chelseaguest // Mar 30, 2006 at 3:11 pm
what about aunt joanne?…never hear you talk about her…in implied that her nose was out of joint because she feels slighted…
10 thinlizzy17 // Mar 30, 2006 at 3:25 pm
I’m very much in the minority on this, but I actually like pooping in public restrooms. I know if I do something really severe, the mega-flush of a public bathroom is going to do the job.
Really, I’ve got to stop with the poop stories.
11 geekgoddiss // Mar 30, 2006 at 3:53 pm
LOVED the food article
I look forward to reading more of your stories. Also, your shit stories crack me up (no pun intended on the crack).
12 Corbow // Mar 30, 2006 at 4:45 pm
Well, I’m not thousands of miles away, so I’m all for reading about the restaurants here in Portland.
Your friends in AZ are probably receiving support from some of my late uncle’s friends, including John Fife of Southside Presbyterian.
I can pee in the woods but I’m less fond of pooping anywhere but the comfort of home.
13 chublin // Mar 30, 2006 at 7:19 pm
sometimes words just sping into places where your brain doesn’t seem to pick them up.. until it’s in print.
14 jaki_o // Mar 31, 2006 at 1:45 am
I really enjoyed your article. And I probably wouldn’t have noticed the double use of sprung if you hadn’t pointed it out.
15 rubyblue123 // Mar 31, 2006 at 3:20 am
Poor Chelsea. Is it related to the armpit licking? Hopefully nothing serious. Since when are we using rocks for tp? It’s always been carefully chosen leaves in my neck of the woods. Ow, rocks.
16 gracebug // Mar 31, 2006 at 6:20 am
Hey, fun article. I look forward to reading more. And since I’ve never visited your site before (though I have seen your comments around), it was fun to go back and read the old stuff too. Thanks!
17 peppermoon // Mar 31, 2006 at 8:31 am
I love it that you are allowed to publish words like “bastard.” That’s great.
On Sunday mornings, my mom would play hymns on the piano to wake us up. It made me angry, too. And we didn’t get pancakes. Grr…
18 squiddichino // Mar 31, 2006 at 8:55 am
ryc: I think the nudge is supposed to be like the facebook poke. I thought the poke was juvenille enough to be innocuous, the nudge however seems intentional, informed and decidedly risque.
I also don’t want to move my blog, perhaps leaving a link on my xanga to my own server. I like the fluidity of the links and community on xanga… but when computer administrators interfere with the basic functionality of the blog - especially shutting down my site erroneously - I want to strangle them! It’s stifling the simple beauty with unnecessary features. “Features.”
19 MaximaBella // Mar 31, 2006 at 9:12 am
your right, boring appts in pregnancy is a GOOD thing!
Cant Chelsea just get one of those Elizabethan collars at petco? How come she needs a special fit one?
20 rabookie // Mar 31, 2006 at 2:41 pm
I enjoyed those articles and I am full right now too so reading about food isn’t easy, but you’re funny and good writing overcomes a stuffed belly anyday. I’m wincing at toilet paper rocks too. Yeah, I prefer the private flush as well.
I think they should pay you extra for eating Thai food for breakfast. Hope the pooch is well, those things crack e up every time I see the dog’s face in them. I swear dogs can look embarrassed.
21 McCrakin_Phil // Apr 1, 2006 at 2:24 am
ma’am come with me to myspace.. no one reads my blog so you should start one; ill read yours and you can read mine… Thanks that would be swell.
22 Jay_Galk26 // Jun 13, 2006 at 6:21 pm
Using a toilet to poop in public is just wrong, it’s in the bible.
Jay {Brad Pitt…in a robe} “Rawr”