A couple of *shitty* stories on Thinlizzy’s and TimsHead’s sites reminded me that I have one of my own.It all started on an early-autumn drive with my younger brother up to Boston a couple of years ago. The plan was that I would drop him off at school, help him unload his crap into his new dorm room and then head to a friend’s house in a Boston suburb for a couple of days before she and I went out to Cape Cod to watch our friends get married.
I can’t remember exactly what I’d eaten on that car ride, but I’m sure it wasn’t good. It was either some nasty gas station number or an unrefridgerated sandwich I’d made the night before. Either way, what I do remember is that my stomach was mildly irritated with me for subjecting it to such torture.
I drop my brother off and head over to see my friend Robyn, who was living with her parents at the time. I arrive, and Robyn’s mother has prepared this wonderful meal of hamburgers, salad from her garden, tomatoes (also from her garden) doused in balsamic vinaigrette and something yummy for dessert. Anyway, after we scarf down the food and finish up with the dishes, we all kick back in the living room. Unfortunately, Robyn had an LSAT class to go to, so she left me at her house with her parents, whom I’d only met an hour earlier.
And as the three of us sit on the couch having an uncomfortable “getting to know ya” conversation, I notice that the half-rotten sandwich I’d eaten somewhere along i-84 is starting to revolt. I excuse myself just in time to run upstairs to the bathroom and do what I really needed to do.
So this is where the story gets kinda icky. Naturally, the toilet doesn’t flush. Instead, it fills to the brim, and being the brilliant plumber I am, I decide that flushing it again will help. The problem is, flushing a toilet ADDS water to it—so if it’s already full and nothing’s going down, well, water ends up cascading all over the floor.
By this time, I’ve been in the bathroom for entirely too long, and Robyn’s dad was evidently doing a bit of a “drive by” to make sure everything was okay—which is why he heard me start screaming when Old Faithful splurted up from the bowl.
“Is everything okay in there?” he asked.
“Um… well… I think I need a plunger,” I said back.
He walks away and returns with the plunger, and cracks the door to hand it to me. I try to plunge the toilet, but since the thing was still filled to the max, of course the plunger only caused more raw sewage to spill over the edge. On top of that, my effort wasn’t doing anything in the way of fixing the problem.
I start to realize that the water (now nearly an inch deep…and I was barefoot) was coming close to being higher than the door jam thingy, which meant that it would soon begin to flow out underneath the door and into the hallway. This is where I asked for help—I mean, really, I had to, I was shit out of luck.
To add to my embarrassment, Robyn’s dad opens the door, kicks off his sandals and wades into the mess. After about ten minutes of him fiddling with the toilet and me apologizing repeatedly, he finally shuts off the water supply, declares the porcelein hellhole broken and calls the plumber.
He announces that he’s going to the other bathroom to take a shower, and for another hour or so, Robyn’s mom and I clean up the rest of the mess and sterilize the bathroom (believe me, I tried my best to talk her out of helping, but she was just too gracious of a host to let me do it alone).
We eventually all gathered back in the living room, had a good chuckle about the evening’s events and then turned on a Law & Order rerun. Three minutes later, Robyn walks in the door and sees the three of us sitting exactly where she left us.
“Looks like I didn’t miss much,” she announces.
17 responses so far ↓
1 TrinityOne // Mar 29, 2006 at 8:54 am
GROSS!! My co-worker Andy had a story to that effect but it was when he was meeting his future in-laws for the first time… and the toilet did about the same thing. Of course, this story came out at the Company Christmas Party a few years back and it was performed by the comedy toupe that we had hired to entertain us. I still don’t know what possessed him to raise his hand when they asked, “Does anyone have a funny, slightly embarrassing story involving a coworker?” The co-worker it involved was his new wife, of course, that also happened to work with us.
2 Rod_Lamour // Mar 29, 2006 at 10:54 am
This is tough, we have all been there….
3 thinlizzy17 // Mar 29, 2006 at 11:36 am
Goodness. This is too funny. I’m actually laughing out loud at my desk, and I’m glad that nobody’s around to wonder why.
I like Chelsea’s new look in the banner. She looks like she got involved with some highlighters.
4 TimsHead // Mar 29, 2006 at 12:04 pm
Oh, that was wonderful. Not the incident, but the telling. And it did get you out of uncomfortable small talk and now, if you ever see them again, you have a solid bonding experience.
5 rabookie // Mar 29, 2006 at 1:27 pm
Oh wow, I guess they got a good first impression. You didn’t lose your head. I mean you didn’t go throwing all the good towels down. Funny story. Now, you all had to laugh at what she said when she came back! I had no idea these experiences were so frequent.
ryc: That was interesting and weird for them to be so picky about baptism. Shoot, we were trained to do “emergency baptism” in case of natural disasters so that others might also get into heaven. Even then we thought that was a bit strange. Eh? Rules, they’re made for breakin’ sometimes.
6 the_Vis // Mar 29, 2006 at 2:33 pm
Such hospitality though. I’m leaving Portland mostly because school is not the thing for me right now and I can’t afford to not be in school and living on my own right now. On another note, as I was wandering around Seattle today I saw some high school aged youths playing ultimate, and they had a coach. I didn’t realize ultimate was to that level yet.
7 derf6179 // Mar 29, 2006 at 2:41 pm
wow….literally shit out of luck…bummer story
8 fern_forest // Mar 29, 2006 at 3:03 pm
LOL! i think we have all been there. hopefully that means we don’t have to go back. i like the new look as well. dude - that zappa link you gave me is priceless. muchas muchas gracias
9 ARboiWundr23 // Mar 29, 2006 at 3:53 pm
Oh my Gaahhh! I would have been completely embarrassed!!
Funny enough, your story reminded me of one that I read once in Seventeen (yep! I used to be an avid reader…sue me!!). The girl freaked out and decided to bail out the toilet, tossing the excess water out the window…Unfortunately for her, when she walked back downstairs she figured out that the family room was directly below the bathroom and had a skylight…
10 redhotslippergirl // Mar 29, 2006 at 8:04 pm
oh man, good thing it was your friend and not some guy’s parents you were trying to impress. See, the story could have been worse! Either way, not a situation I would want to be in..
11 TexasAlan // Mar 30, 2006 at 2:55 am
You poor thing. UGH!
12 geekgoddiss // Mar 30, 2006 at 4:39 am
That is hilarious. You tell stories so well. That sounds like something from a sitcom. And is it not just the typical thing to happen when you are a guest at someone else’s house?? Thanks for the photo encouragement
13 perfectsymmetry // Mar 30, 2006 at 5:22 am
That was a brilliant piece and I am glad that you DID publish it on the internet. lol…I have done the exact same thing: flushed the toilet again…and allowed the water to cascade onto the floor. Awh well! As Tim said, now you have a “solid bonding experience” with Robyn’s parents. Sorry it had to be at the expense of your stomach!
14 momsahippiechick // Mar 30, 2006 at 9:07 am
oh my god..that is my worst fear. i have actually had bad dreams about the toilet overflowing. my dream book says it signifies stress. i think it signifies fear of pooping in other people’s homes.
ryc: i wish you could beat up these self righteous commentors. they’re a thorn in my side. i’m going to just try to irk them more and more and see what happens. i’m just funny that way.
15 MaximaBella // Mar 30, 2006 at 10:15 am
OMG…I cannot believe this actually happened to you! Oh you poor thing..what doesnt kill us makes us stronger..hahhahha
16 stacij82 // Mar 30, 2006 at 11:46 am
Thanks chica! I’m excited…and really nervous…and revelling in the “Dear God, what have I done” feeling that hits me every time I get ready to do something insane. It’s been far too long. I’ll zap you an email soon. Much love!
17 Jay_Galk26 // Jun 13, 2006 at 6:24 pm
Now that my darling, is a great story.
Jay {Brad Pitt…in a robe} “Rawr”