At long last, here it is: the story that Uncle Joe has asked me to tell on his behalf. I first heard this tale in Colorado with my family as we enjoyed a nice dinner in memory of my Aunt Barbara. My cousin Marisa, Barbara’s daughter, told the story for Uncle Joe, who didn’t want to tell it himself but reserved the right to interject his commentary. “Marisa adds a lot of color to her stories,” he explained. I don’t know why he’d then ask me to blog about it, because goodness knows that I add color to mine.
The following is a (perhaps colorless) paraphrased retelling of the story from that night:
MARISA: So, Uncle Joe was supposed to go to a friend’s house for some dinner party, and—
UNCLE JOE: Objection! It was Thanksgiving dinner at a client’s house.
Marisa: Yeah, exactly, a dinner party.
UnJoe: No, not just a dinner party. It was Thanksgiving.
Marisa: Okay, so Uncle Joe was going to Thanksgiving dinner at a client’s house. He was running late, and didn’t have time to pick up a bottle of wine before he left for the party, so he grabbed one from his own wine cabinet. It was a bottle of red that he’d been given a few years back and never drank.
UnJoe: So I wrapped it up and brought it with me, and when I arrived at the party, there was tons and tons of wine already there. So I just put my bottle on the table with other gifts that guests had brought, and forgot about it. The host didn’t open it that night. But the meal was fabulous, she served these wonderful little—
Marisa: Hey, I thought I was telling the story!
UnJoe: Okay, okay, go ahead.
Marisa: So, anyway, Uncle Joe goes home and doesn’t think about the wine or anything until the next morning, when he got a message on his answering machine saying, “OH JOE! You shouldn’t have! I can’t believe that you brought this bottle of Opus One for me! Thank you so much! But really, you didn’t need to do this! It was very generous of you!”
Uncle Paul: I need to interject here—this is my part of the story. So Joe gets this message and he calls me. I answer the phone, and all I hear on the other end of the line is, “What do you know about Opus One? What have I done?”
Marisa: He was frantic.
UnJoe: I was not frantic! I was just worried. Paul, did I sound frantic to you?
UnPaul: No, but I wouldn’t say that you were calm.
UnJoe: I stayed pretty calm. [Editor's note: when someone from the Parisi clan says that he or she "stayed calm," you must remember to take it with a grain of salt. Everything is relative.] I said, very calmly, “What have I done?”
Marisa: As it turns out, the bottle of wine that Uncle Joe gave this lady was a bottle of 1991 Opus One Napa Valley Red Wine. It was worth $500!
UnJoe: Objection! It was only worth about $350.
Marisa: Whatever, it was an expensive bottle of wine!
UnJoe: So when I realized what I’d done, I started troubleshooting. Obviously, I couldn’t ask for it back, but no way was I going to not have a glass of that wine!� So I called up the client and I said, “I’m so glad you like the wine. But, you know, that gift comes with a stipulation—I have to be there when you open it.”
Moral of the story: Always Google a bottle of wine before you regift it!
26 responses so far ↓
1 anth0nyc // Mar 27, 2006 at 1:33 pm
sounds yummy. did he ever get to drink it?
2 HaveyoumetGreg // Mar 27, 2006 at 1:52 pm
I spent a week just up the road from the Mondavi vineyards when I was in college. I never drank wine before that trip. Now, we are returning to Napa Valley this summer and I can’t wait to immerse myself in the culture again.
BTW: nice save, Uncle Joe.
3 TimsHead // Mar 27, 2006 at 2:03 pm
I don’t think any of the wine in my household is worth more than $20. Unless there’s some major market revaluation going on that has somehow eluded even the trade press.Great story. I love the way it became a community effort. Now that is really priceless.
4 redhotslippergirl // Mar 27, 2006 at 2:08 pm
I wonder what it tasted like? I am so bad at “tasting” wine. I tend to like the ones that taste like juice the best… and those aren’t usually “the best”.
5 fern_forest // Mar 27, 2006 at 2:17 pm
skate save with the phone call, uncle joe. i hope he got his wish. $350! the most expensive bottle of wine i’ve ever purchased was $75
6 Rod_Lamour // Mar 27, 2006 at 2:29 pm
Nicely Done Cupcake. Believe me when Uncle Joe says he was not frantic …He was’t. But we will let the story have it’s own life. I have two more bottles, sooo… if your good ,I will wait for you to visit before I pop one. Bundt cake pans are round with a hole,this one has a top and sides like the petals on a rose. When I bought it and brought it home Grandma ,said Oh! that cake is for me . Meaning it looks like a rose…and so it was beautiful Saturday nite. She enjoyedthe dinner and thought the dessert beautiful.
7 thinlizzy17 // Mar 27, 2006 at 3:03 pm
Doh! I limit my wine purchases to those bottles that are under $12, so I can only imagine a) how good the wine was and b) how freaked out I’d have been if I did what he did.
8 ARboiWundr23 // Mar 27, 2006 at 4:33 pm
Oh my Gaaahhhhhddd!! I would have completely died! Opus One?!! How could your Uncle not know?!! I mean, it is Opus!!
I’ve only had a single half glass and I want more!! Even with my discount, I can’t afford it!! Dang it…I bet that lady had a brick when she saw her present!!
9 ARboiWundr23 // Mar 27, 2006 at 4:40 pm
Tell your Uncle that he was lucky that it wasn’t a ’98 or a ’99…then he would be really kicking himself. The ’98 retails for almost $800 while the ’99 is well above that, when you can find it…
10 chelseaguest // Mar 27, 2006 at 6:40 pm
Hello my name is Gabers and I know all there is to know about Opus One (at least I’d like to think so)… Ooooh, the things I’d do to get my hands on a ’91…Uncle Joe rocks! Quick thinking indeed!Aside: The ’99 is very choice.Positive VibesGabers
11 geekgoddiss // Mar 27, 2006 at 9:12 pm
I like that story. I like how you make it a conversation. And I like how you interject your own things (like “everything is relative”)
Bring on the stories!!
12 Rod_Lamour // Mar 28, 2006 at 1:27 am
Seems my save has done more for my imagine ,than my stupidity for just grabbing and running…Un Joe
13 rubyblue123 // Mar 28, 2006 at 2:50 am
Could Uncle Joe possibly be more suave? I think not!
14 jaki_o // Mar 28, 2006 at 2:51 am
As I am not a wine drinker, I can safely say that I would probably do the same thing. But at least he’ll probably get a glass out of it.
15 stacij82 // Mar 28, 2006 at 7:28 am
Well, if I weren’t already a fan of Uncle Joe, I would have become one the instant I read that story. There’s something to be said for re-gifting research, but I want to know who the hell was the first gifter? Holy hell. And let’s hope they don’t read your blog. Hehe.
16 CollieCrazy // Mar 28, 2006 at 9:47 am
Is Uncle Joe available to come for dinner this week-end??? Of course, I wouldn’t expect him to bring anything but himself…. Great story!
17 momsahippiechick // Mar 28, 2006 at 10:05 am
moral of the story? stop at the liquor store on the way! i’ve had opus 1 and it is incredible. then again, there are a lot of wines under $20 that i enjoy immensely!
18 zmftimelord // Mar 28, 2006 at 10:09 am
Haha no worry. RPG is role playing games, like Final Fantasy, or Dungeon s and Dragons, except less dorky on a video game.
19 Ed_Kaz // Mar 28, 2006 at 11:25 am
ryc Thank you for your approval.
A nudge is a sundae you order if you have a speech impediment?Uh oh I’m about to be disapproved. 
20 TimsHead // Mar 28, 2006 at 1:59 pm
ryc: Laura is now posting under squiddichino. The theory is that she reset her birthday to 1997 and it was shut down because she was underage. As if anyone reading it would have thought it was coming from a 9-year-old? Or maybe they just have something against penguins.
21 squiddichino // Mar 28, 2006 at 3:08 pm
^ That’s the scoop. Absurd! Maybe the penguins were getting camera shy.So I have this dinner party planned for next Saturday, would your uncle Joe like to come?
22 trcs // Mar 28, 2006 at 4:44 pm
wow that’s soooooo weird because I JUST googled Opus One wine on the weekend for the first time. Mr. Gabe Soo himself has donated a bottle of it for the silent auction at Orange Crush… because, well, let’s face it, he rocks. What a funny coincidence that you posted this now. haha
23 rabookie // Mar 28, 2006 at 5:06 pm
Great telling! The family voices were excellent! Opus One! Sold it once, corked it for a party of five (there are not five glasses in that bottle) and I knew I would never taste it so I looked all glum. Then one older gent at the table asked me if I’d like to try it! He was joking but I took his glass right away! Too bad I needed the tips. Gave it back. I was this close!
24 transvestite_rabbit // Mar 28, 2006 at 5:32 pm
See what happens when you bring alcohol to a family gathering?
25 seranomp // Mar 28, 2006 at 6:29 pm
Don’t forget that after all was said and done, Uncle Joe went on the internet and bought 2 bottles of Opus One for himself. Although not the 1991 Opus One, he just couldn’t get past not having a bottle (or two) for himself!
26 Jay_Galk26 // Jun 13, 2006 at 6:25 pm
Thank god all we drink here is rum, lots and lots and lots of rum.
Jay {Brad Pitt…in a robe} “Rawr”