Alert: There’s been a slight change in programming. Originally, I was going to post Uncle Joe’s story about his gift giving fiasco BEFORE this story, but this one just sort of poured out of me accidentally, so I guess we’ll have to go with it. It is a story that is in part inspired by a comment that geekgoddiss left for me a few posts ago about how I just seem to “float through it all.” I can assure you that I never float, and even when I do I find it awfully difficult to recognize it as such. So this post is, in a way, an ode to her, because sometimes it really can be hard to see where you are going.
I’ve noticed lately that I really don’t get as many comments I used to. Probably out of self-doubt (a rampant emotion amongst those of us who are unemployed), I decided to figure out just how much my readership has declined over the past year. In what can only be described as a highly scientific research project, I used Xanga’s Posting Calendar function to go to the nearest post to March 21, 2005 (one year ago from today) and compared the number of comments on that entry to the number on my last.
Guess what? That entry, a story about finding a Perfect Milkshake, had 35 comments. My last post? Just 9. This means that last year at this time, I used to get roughly four times as many responses to my posts.
And of course, because I am doubting myself, this led me to ponder what has caused this drastic decline in readership. I came up with the following possibilities:
1) I am boring.
2) I don’t comment on other people’s sites as much as I used to, and so they, in turn, do not comment on mine.
3) My stories used to be funnier and/or more universally touching.
4) Since March of 2005, I have twice moved halfway across the country to an entirely new city to start an entirely new life. Such major upheaval severely limits blog time.
5) My entries, on a whole, have gotten shorter. Corporate newspaper logic dictates that the shorter a piece is, the more it’ll be read. Real life logic discovers that this may not be true at all.
6) In March of 2005, I was a cubical dweller. All day long, my retinas were burning under the flourescent lights of an airtight, almost windowless office. I was editing health pamphlets—you know, the kind you peruse in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. The ones you would normally avoid in favor of the four-month-old copy of Parenting Magazine, except that the lady next to you already snatched that one up. Last year at this time, I was Googling the word “arteriosclerosis” to figure out how the hell to spell it. I was entering miles of data into an archaic database. I was making phonecalls to doctor’s offices to find out how many old people they treated per month. I was ready to pull my eyes out of their sockets. My blog was my only relief. I relied on it heavily.
7) One night in March of 2005, a bearded man came into my life. He was wearing a kilt and pigtails at the time, and I took to him immediately. I impressed him with the retelling of a few of my blog stories (I can be a good storyteller in real life, particularly when I make cocktails out of the kind of alcohol that gives me hives), and he impressed me by whipping out more than a few subtle puns with flawless comic timing and noticing right away that I am, like he is, left-handed. We did the crossword puzzle together that night. He went back to Chicago the next day; I moved to Portland with him six months later.
I have, effectively, abandoned my blogworthy, annoyance-riddled life for a happy one. Over the last six months, since I moved to Portland, my blog has become less and less of a daily recount of the funny or touching events of the day: once my sole medium for creativity, it is now only a small part of the world I have created here. I am unemployed and often filled with the unhelpful and heavy-hearted notion that maybe I’m just not good enough to make it as a writer, but I am here nonetheless, trying it out anyway. It is much harder, I am finding, to be creative in the living of my life than it was to have a dull one but write creatively about it.
9) The day after my bearded man left for Chicago, I wrote a post about how my life felt static, describing a banal conversation I had had with an older, irritating man at a bar the night before I met Asa, about how I was sad that my job at the time had no sense of movement towards any sort of career goal. I wrote then that I would like to be able to say that I am a “shockingly successful freelance journalist.” It’s been nearly a year now since I left New York City—and I’ve since lived in Santa Fe and Portland—and while I can’t say I’m shockingly successful, I can say that last week I landed my very first paid gig as a freelance journalist. It pays a whopping total of $75.
10) This is exciting news. Not just because it’s a forward step and a big first, BUT ALSO because I have bills to pay—and a very crucial (and overdue) one in particular: the Qwest DSL bill. If I don’t pay this one, I risk losing my access to the Internet, and with that, my blog and its readership. Which, of course, leads to the self-doubt that inspired this post in the first place. But there’s no need to start that back up again because guess what? It just so happens that I owe Qwest $75.
29 responses so far ↓
1 TimsHead // Mar 21, 2006 at 12:48 am
Remember it’s quantity, not quality. Of blogs and, of course, reader comments.Since I tend to notice trivial details, I think the number of comments on your site declined after both moves. There’s nothing scientific here other than coming over to your site and saying wow, Laura posted something great and it only has six comments, while the flaming piece of crap I posted has 21. Which is just wrong, really, but that’s what I observed.You are a good writer. It takes a while to get started. I speak from experience. Especially when you’re in your third market in a year, what you really need is to get some things published and to make contacts. If it’s worth anything, I believe in you.
2 TimsHead // Mar 21, 2006 at 12:49 am
^ Er, wait, that should read: Quality, not quantity. Haven’t had coffee yet. I stand by the rest of it.
3 Danareina // Mar 21, 2006 at 1:01 am
It’s not you, it’s me. I’m so bad at commenting – but I always read and enjoy your blog. Congrats on your new career as a successful freelancer, you are a great writer so I know the jobs will keep on coming.
4 rubyblue123 // Mar 21, 2006 at 2:02 am
I completely agree with Tim. I have continued to love the content and writing style of your posts. As I’ve learned in my time here in the Xangaverse the amount of comments definitely does not corrolate with quality of content. You’ve been busy, you’ve moved, your life has changed. I’d rather get nine really thoughtful comments than 20 half assed ones. You’re still one of my favorite bloggers.
5 ARboiWundr23 // Mar 21, 2006 at 2:59 am
Your blog is definitely a daily read. I’m in love with your style of writing and actually, I’m quite envious at times.
It seems, these days, that only emo kids receive all of the comments. Kids that play “comment tag” and never really post anything of real substance. “…oooOOYour HOTT, comment back!!OOooo…” seems to be the trend these days on the Xanga-verse. (Okay, it is quite obvious that I’m not an emo kid, so please forgive the unsuccessful attempt to mimic them.)
6 jaki_o // Mar 21, 2006 at 3:40 am
I really think that Xanga has slowed down slightly. Lots of people losing interest or moving to other sites. It makes me sad, really. I enjoy your writing, really I do.
7 stacij82 // Mar 21, 2006 at 3:50 am
Yes, yes, Laura, you rock the writing. I’m so happy for you, dahling (er, sorry. Dolores was just here and I’m struggling with a linguistic hangover). The point is: HELL YES YOU GOT A JOB THAT YOU WANT! What I lack in eloquence, I make up for in grammatical correctness and capital letters. Don’t worry about the decline- you have a life, we’re all jealous. Meanwhile- a trip to your neck of the woods might be in order this summer. I’ll email you with the sitch…….why, Dolores, why?
8 zmftimelord // Mar 21, 2006 at 7:12 am
Comment. Comment. Comment. Comment. Nah, I just am not a big commentor, so keep up the interesting entries! =-)
9 thinlizzy17 // Mar 21, 2006 at 8:44 am
I think there’s just been a slowdown overall. There’s just no accounting for things sometimes, though. One of my most popular (comment-wise) entries ever was when I posted a picture of a duck and that was it. There was no quality there – just a fine-lookin’ duck. A duck that Chelsea, if left to her own devices, no doubt would have eaten.
10 chelseaguest // Mar 21, 2006 at 9:25 am
3500 miles, 12 months, 238 posts and one hell-of-a-lot happier Snoops later, I think you’re doin’ great.p.s. did you mean to leave out “‘re/are” from the title? “And typos you shall recieve.. er.. receive”
11 peppermoon // Mar 21, 2006 at 10:38 am
I know I don’t comment often, but a lot of it has to do with your reason #6. I used to be bored out of my mind at work, and that’s not the case anymore (woo hoo!). While making online friends was my sanity then (and comments stroked my ego), I’ve found other ways to stay sane and feel good about myself lately. I’ve not been blogging or commenting much, and there’s a certain freedom in not being chained to it. The faithful will stick with you–don’t worry.
Keep writing!
12 Gabe_Real // Mar 21, 2006 at 11:02 am
I was just going to say “Quality wins over Quantity”, but Tim beat me to it…Anyways, I would like to say – the blog facilitates sharing of the self. If your blog is not boring | Chances are neither are you.Your blog rocks. Hence you rockYour blog is choice. Hence you’re choice.Nothing you didn’t already know.Comments (and eProps) should never dictate how successful a post/blog should be… I’m sure you’re in the know: contributing thought-provoking, funny, insightful blogs… You are such a positive contributor. Positive Vibes all the way.I, like many others love your writing… and with all things genius – it takes a little time to be recognized for it…*heart*PS. I almost hit delete on this long-winded comment. Self-doubt lurks everywhere and hits everyone, I guess.
13 MaximaBella // Mar 21, 2006 at 11:54 am
well, Im still here
14 HaveyoumetGreg // Mar 21, 2006 at 12:00 pm
I think that #2 would be my excuse. I have stopped commenting on others’ sites simply for the sake of commenting, and try to only comment if it will somehow contribute to the topic. I vow today, March 21, 2006, that I will comment more.
15 geekgoddiss // Mar 21, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Yay! I inspired a post! Hooray!Amazing that you’ll be getting the exact amount you needed. I’d give you the money, but I have none of it either. Otherwise, I’d be glad to buy you a month of Mighty Mighty Internet Access.There has been a decline in activity in Xangaland. Those who said that get a gold star. The Xanga economy seems to be down six points or so…Even still, I’m in awe of you. You still seem like you have it all together. I would go for my dreams too…if I were a different person
I still might. I’m still going to go to Seattle, and I am debating on a protected entry about that (to which you have access). But photography is a dream that I want to go for…and “when I get to Seattle,” I just might (if you’re the Queen of Procrastination, I’m the Jack). All that to say…I love reading your blog. On days you dont’ post new ones, I sometimes go back and read your old ones. 
16 trcs // Mar 21, 2006 at 1:41 pm
I blame my laundry list of jobs: for lack of commenting, for lack of posting, for pretty much everything I can
They suck away my time and leave me really sleepy. Still popping by to read though 
17 TexasAlan // Mar 21, 2006 at 2:22 pm
Eh, nobody comments on my blog unless I post pics of shirtless men. Go figure.
18 redhotslippergirl // Mar 21, 2006 at 3:42 pm
it’s just a phase
19 Rod_Lamour // Mar 22, 2006 at 12:42 am
1 ) You are prehaps the best young writer I read. 2nd ) Boring is a word that never comes to mind when thinking of you. 3rd)Courage is what you have you have transplanted youself twice in one year to follow your dream and you entered a new relationship with a bearded ,skirt wearing man with pig tails…that had to be a risk. 4th ) You have a raised state of consciousness which most people don’t ever acquire in their lifetime. 5th )Everyone I know talks about what Laura wrote today. 6th ) Do you need money ???
20 Chekhovslittlebrother // Mar 22, 2006 at 1:00 am
You’re still a good writer! That’s all that matters.
21 mundanelunacy // Mar 22, 2006 at 5:14 am
My opinion – I think you’re writing could be tighter. I enjoy a conversational style of writing, but I personally find that too much levity will cause a piece to become flippant or downright inconsequential.My writerly advice would be, not to suppress this style, but to redirect it. I would like to see your writing have more dialogue between people. Also, more descriptive analysis of your feelings about something. That’s where I think your style will shine. I think when your are describing a situation or a circumstance you should stress brevity. I think you have some great stories in you, but I feel you could do a better job keeping the reader intrigued.
22 the_Vis // Mar 22, 2006 at 3:02 pm
Comments are weird. When I think that I’ve written something interesting, or at least slightly clever, I’ll get no comments. Or someone will comment about a random minor point. Then I post some ridiculous ramble and get a bunch of comments. Make up your minds you silly readers. Also, about ultimate: I’m not the biggest ultimate fan in the world but would be up for it, except that I have no car and that park is far, far away. Thanks though!
23 fern_forest // Mar 22, 2006 at 3:53 pm
i love reading your blog – i’m glad i found you! for the number of people that subscribe to my site versus the number that actually comment – they are either no longer blogging or a quiet bunch
. a huge congratulations to you and your paying freelance gig. $75 is $75! way to go. 
24 TimsHead // Mar 22, 2006 at 3:55 pm
ryc: Yesterday, Gabe posted a short goodbye, saying all good things must end and that he’s closing down his blog. No real explanation, and I don’t know that it was up long. Kinda sad. Where will we find our positive vibes?Also, here’s what seems to be a telling viewpoint on Lake Oswego. And it involves llamas. So it has to be fun.
25 perfectsymmetry // Mar 22, 2006 at 6:59 pm
This is pathetic because I’m quoting another comment but eh -”I think that #2 would be my excuse. I have stopped commenting on others’ sites simply for the sake of commenting, and try to only comment if it will somehow contribute to the topic.”Also, my own xanga has fallen into such a pitiful state recently that I avoid commenting on peoples’ xanga for fear they may actually read mine!!Hopefully all the comments on this post have served as some encouragement. You still maintain a wide readership even if your number of comments has declined and you continue to remain a favorite blogger of many xangans. [Sounds like a space-alien].Keep up the good work!!p.s. unclejoe’s comments always make me smile
26 MaximaBella // Mar 23, 2006 at 9:05 am
look at all these comments, heheh!
Yeah…charlize, thats a great pick!
27 rabookie // Mar 23, 2006 at 7:37 pm
Well this post has many comments. I just found out about you through Tim and I don’t think your writing is boring. I’ve only read three posts, but so far so good for me. And I hate boring. That you have kept up with your blog for this long is amazing to me. And I’m glad the Qwest bill will be paid!
Unemployment is a drag on the spirit in so many ways. Chin up. Things will change and before you know it you will be short of time because you will be so busy. You’ve made some huge moves it seems in the last year or so, there is bound to be self-doubt amidst that stream of events. As my mother tells me “just focus on what is good right now and keep plugging away on the other stuff.” Moms. Jeez. I’m quoting my mother. Now, THAT is boring.
28 derf6179 // Mar 25, 2006 at 7:42 am
Sorry….I’ve been missing in the blogisphere. I’ve been promoted and have had difficulty keeping up with everyone’s postings. It’s not you, it’s me!
29 Jay_Galk26 // Jun 13, 2006 at 6:28 pm
Don’t feel bad, no one comments on mine anymore
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Jay {Brad Pitt…in a robe} “Rawr”