I’m sure you all have been sitting at the edge of your computer chairs in anticipation of finding out which story in my last post was true and which wasn’t. I mean, I bet you couldn’t even freaking fall asleep for the last two days because your excitement was just that overwhelming. Sort of like a kid on Christmas Eve, lying awake all night listening for Santa.
When I was a kid, my bed was in a corner of the living room directly across from the nonfunctional fireplace. The problem was that my parents had arranged a bookcase to act as the partition between my “room” and the couch area, and so in order to catch Mr. Claus in the act of chimney-shimmying, I had to inch my bed forward a bit and sleep with my head at the foot end. But even with all of my preparations—including the very contrived placement of a pile of cookies and a glass of milk to lure him into better view—I never did catch that jolly old red-suited man in the act.
But that is neither here nor there. ‘Here,’ actually, for me at this particular moment is the library at Asa‘s school. Have you ever noticed that there are always people in a library who are being all-too-chatty and most others just drown it out as background noise, but there’s always someone who very noticeably turns around and glares every 21 seconds? That’s what the lady at the computer kitty corner from me is doing right now.
Anyway, I am here in the library because I’m waiting for Asa to complete his Diesel Engine Rebuild final exam. Yes, folks, it’s true—Asa is, in fact, studying diesel mechanics in pursuit of a career in biofuels. You know, running cars on waste veggie oil? Weakening our dependence on the limited and highly-contested resource that is petroleum? That kind of thing. So story Numero Uno was true—I did indeed lock myself out of the apartment in my long johns at six in the morning.
Thus, by process of elimination, we know that Story Numero Dos has to be false. Chelsea did not eat her pillow, the cardboard recyclables, my knit hat or America’s favorite all-purpose cookbook. I figured the Joy of Cooking would be the breaking point—TimsHead, per usual, was right—it was a complete setup. I thought it would be funny to throw that in there, since she did actually eat my stuffing recipe a couple of days before Thanksgiving, but the reality is that Chelsea’s arthritic hips keep her at a paw’s reach from anything on the kitchen counter.
Ironically, a couple of days ago I caught her gnawing on Asa’s diesel textbook.
18 responses so far ↓
1 chublin // Dec 15, 2005 at 9:14 am
that dog is crazy. i bet he would eat a cook book if you left him alone with one for a while. Especially if it had a lot of recipes for chicken bones and whatnot.
fyi: the purple was part of the frame. so gross!
2 zmftimelord // Dec 15, 2005 at 9:57 am
Thanks for your comments on my blog. I always read your xanga, although I don’t always comment. Keep up the good writing! =-)
3 TimsHead // Dec 15, 2005 at 10:52 am
Host: And what does Tim win?Announcer: A heaping bowl of … absolutely nothing!I know how to spot literary hyperbole, skilled as it was. If only I were famous enough to be considered for any new version of the To Tell The Truth game show.
4 thinlizzy17 // Dec 15, 2005 at 11:18 am
I fell for it, hook line and sinker! I’d almost always go with the “Chelsea Ate Something” answer as the true one. I’m such a sucker.
5 geekgoddiss // Dec 15, 2005 at 5:17 pm
LOL I’m with thinlizzy
6 Jay_galk25 // Dec 16, 2005 at 1:07 am
I would say I’m just stupid, but to go with the crowd, I’ll have to agree with thinlizzy.
Jay {you open your mouth and I’m grounded once more} “Rawr”
7 jaki_o // Dec 16, 2005 at 3:17 am
Yeah, I had my doubts about Chelsea eating that much, but then again, she’s been known to eat many a strange thing.
RYC: Tommy is 15 years older than I am. His oldest son is 6 years younger than I am. My parents are 8 years older than he is. It’s loads of fun!
8 geekgoddiss // Dec 16, 2005 at 8:14 am
RYC: You are hilarious. From now on, the things that humor me, I’m sending to you so you can humor the masses with your clever verbage.
9 geekgoddiss // Dec 16, 2005 at 8:15 am
In fact, let’s start here: http://livingbeing.com/images/gorillasale1.jpg
10 fern_forest // Dec 16, 2005 at 8:35 am
now i feel challenged to create literary hyperbole that tim can’t spot! i may steal this idea and take a go at it. wow, i gotta believe if chelsea ate all that, she would be in a sorry state these days! but, after everything else she’s eaten, i thought, why not? i thought the fake one was your locking yourself out of the house in your long johns – probably just because i hoped you didn’t really have to go through that. i’ve done some doozies with the lock-outs myself. the best resulted in my kicking in my door charlie’s angels style. i had to duct tape it to get it to shut. i still don’t understand how my landlord never mentioned that.
11 chicagoartgirl23 // Dec 16, 2005 at 9:35 am
Congrats on the internship! You’ll have the best damn intern blog, ever! I love the three truths and a lie game, although when I play it I get so carried away that I always forget to say anything true. It’s lies! All lies!
RYC: The same trainer heard two very similar remarks from both Caitlin and I’s mouth. so similar, in fact that when I said it he remarked, “Do you know a girl named Caitlin from the MCA?” Ha!
Also, I have a sneaking suspicion that if we lived in close proximity, you would without a doubt be the kind of gal I’d love to befreind.
12 geekgoddiss // Dec 16, 2005 at 9:46 am
RYC: LOL I have no idea. We have a gorilla here in Nashville that advertises for a car garage. He’s missing an arm, though.
13 TheTheologiansCafe // Dec 16, 2005 at 10:31 am
RYC: I think it is my profile pic.
14 perfectsymmetry // Dec 16, 2005 at 5:55 pm
lol. I guess it doesn’t count to announce my guess (which incidentally WAS number 2) AFTER you’ve already announced the answer. Even if #2 was a true story, I’d be surprised to see you acting so calm about it. Anyways, that was fun, you should do it again!
15 Gnarlysurf // Dec 17, 2005 at 9:39 am
OK so I was wrong. But still I did play the game and so I should win something…anything…like at least the home version. Anyways whats new? Yeah the company party was great tho as I said was on a somewhat smaller budget than last yr so no singing this time. Tho there was plenty of booze. Needless to say I was pleased.
16 rainingheart // Dec 18, 2005 at 1:30 am
Props for you! =)
17 StigmataMartyr42 // Dec 18, 2005 at 5:56 pm
When you think about it, both stories were a bit out there, but both of them could have been true. Finally, I can go to sleep! Read my story! Take care!
18 mas88 // Dec 19, 2005 at 9:09 pm
I wish my dog would gnaw on something–anything. Even having her chew on the Joy of Cooking would be welcome. She refuses to chew, and thus her breath is beyond horrible. I’d even be happy with her gnawing my textbooks…anything. I would keep her happy and supplied with chewtoys and stuff. But nope. Just pure stinkbreath of a dog who won’t eat anything that’s not pre-chewed.