Yes, it’s true. If I sit in a very specific spot in the apartment—directly in front of the screen door and next to the fuse box, leaning slightly forward—my laptop picks up a wireless signal. It’s finicky, don’t get me wrong, but it works if I don’t move at all. Hooray!
Much has happened since my last entry, obviously, since my last entry was in like 1904. Or, anyway, it was last Thursday, which clearly was over a century ago. Thus, I must sadly resort to blog-cheating and write a list:
1) Since the Yankees have long been eliminated, my affiliations now lie with the White Sox, who haven’t won a World Series since… well, since before Shoeless Joe Jackson and his cohorts intentionally lost the game in exchange for money. Although I’ve been a Yankee fan since I had a crush on Don Mattingly when I was five (I used to daydream that I would fall out of the upper deck of Yankee Stadium and the strapping first baseman would come running to save me, choosing to forgo the infield pop-up to catch me mid-air. I can’t believe I just admitted to that in public), I prefer to see teams that suck go to the World Series, rather than teams who have been crafted by a very rich and cranky old man. The Yankees were awful when I was a child, so when they started winning in the late 90s it was truly exciting—but now Steinbrenner has ruined them by turning the team into what he is—an overpaid mogul. Anyway, the White Sox don’t suck, but they’ve been doomed by the Black Sox Scandal ever since it happened—whenever that was—and I’m hoping they’ll get to smash the heck out of the Astros in the World Series. I prefer the Astros to the Cards, of course, because the Astros are from Texas and who doesn’t want to see Texas told to eff itself?
But all of this isn’t the point of Bullet Point Number One. The point is that Asa and I do not have a TV, so to get our baseball fix we head out to the sports/lottery games bar. What is a “sports/lottery games bar,” you ask? Well, it is a sports bar, duh, with keno and poker machines! So while half of the patrons squandered their paychecks by playing cards with people doing the same in various bars across the country, and the other half sat at the bar making lewd comments to the bartender, Asa and I settled back in our chairs to enjoy some of the Great American pastime (and I brought my knitting with me, too—how wholesome).
This is also not the point of Bullet Point Number One. The point is really that one of the patrons, a tall, older man, who throughout the course of the game proposed to the Rhea Perlman look-alike bartender several times, kept accusing his fellow Bud Light drinkers of “smoking them marijuana cigarettes.” Sample conversation:
Old man: Andrea, will you marry me? Bartender: Phil, you know I’m already married. Old man: That’s right, I always forget. Nearby patron: Phil, she’s told you that three times tonight! Old man: What? [raising finger in air] Have you been smoking them marijuana cigarettes again? I know you like them marijuana cigarettes! I think you’ve been smokin’ them again!
I guess that’s not really the point of Bullet Point Number One either. Truth is, I don’t have much of a point at all—maybe I, too, have been smoking them marijuana cigarettes—and I just used the promise of a point as a cheap trick to keep your attention.
2) People love free shit. When you put out a free sample at the deli counter, it doesn’t matter what kind of cracked-out low-carb sugar-free diet someone’s on, they’ll help themselves to four toothpickfuls of sticky buns. I made a sign that said “FREE SAMPLE. STICKY BUNS CONTAIN NUTS” and thought it was hilarious, but I think people couldn’t get beyond the “free” part of the sign to find the rest of it funny at all.
3) Both sticky and non-stick buns can contain nuts if one is sitting in the right way, me thinks.
4) If you build it, he will come (Edit: Oh, get your freaking mind out of the gutter— ahem, Sunshineboy78—that’s a reference to Field of Dreams).
28 responses so far ↓
1 sunshineboy78 // Oct 18, 2005 at 10:28 am
ewwwww.
So I see that you and Asa have been engaging in anal intercourse. How’s that going for you?
2 Little_Mama_Kelly_Belly // Oct 18, 2005 at 10:40 am
I saw you on the “newly updated”. Thought I’d say hello. It looks like you are a writer, from your blogrings. Me too. It also says in your profile that you are interested in sociology. Me too, it’s my major. I almost moved to Portland, but then I met a guy and he convinced me that I’d like Savannah just as much. Are you from that area, or did you move there?
nice xanga!
3 Branna // Oct 18, 2005 at 10:48 am
I think that’s why so many people shop at Costco. There’s free shit in every aisle.
4 TrinityOne // Oct 18, 2005 at 11:17 am
Yeah free internet! I just realized that I have free internet at apartment, too! Its lovely really. I don’t know how I didn’t realize it before. Now if only I could wrangle free cable I would be set.
5 geekgoddiss // Oct 18, 2005 at 11:26 am
So what did you end up doing with the paint?
6 Little_Mama_Kelly_Belly // Oct 18, 2005 at 11:35 am
what caused you to move?
7 PhishChica // Oct 18, 2005 at 12:02 pm
I love people like that at bars. It cracks me up.I was all set to don my white and black, untit Albert Pujols slammed that moon-shot last night. It brought a tear to my eye, that’s how happy I was. However, if the Cardinals disappoint me the way the Phillies have since I was knee-high to a grasshopper, I agree, I’d love to see Texas get the ol’ eff you!
8 x_defying_gravity_x // Oct 18, 2005 at 12:50 pm
Knitting and baseball…wow!And I totally did take that last line the wrong way…and I’ve SEEN that movie too…dammit.
9 TimsHead // Oct 18, 2005 at 3:44 pm
The Black Sox Scandal was 1919. That caused baseball to install a strong commissioner, Kennesaw Mountain Landis (I mean, when your middle name is Mountain, would anyone want to fuck with you)? And, if you believe the conspiracy-theory historians, the Lords of Baseball altered the spheroids to usher in the Lively Ball Era of 1920 on, with Babe Ruth obliterating all home-run records, to excite fans and take people’s minds off the scandal. Rumor is they did a similar thing to invite people back after the strike wiped out the postseason back in the 1990s.Sigh. I almost veered toward becoming a baseball historian, but it’s a pretty crowded field.
10 thinlizzy17 // Oct 18, 2005 at 3:55 pm
Hey, if I could knit (I knit very badly. Very badly.) I’d take it to the bar to watch baseball, too.
11 derf6179 // Oct 18, 2005 at 4:05 pm
Hmmm…. seems like an awful lot of effort just to send email. Worth it?
12 Jay_galk25 // Oct 18, 2005 at 4:17 pm
Well…that was…ummm…yeah.
Ryc: Alex.
Jay (I was never the same again after that summer) “Rawr”
13 Blanco_DM // Oct 19, 2005 at 8:46 am
You must’ve been one of those people that thought for sure Astros were going to win the last game. You know… the game where it was 2 strikes, two outs, and top of the ninth… until Pujols hits a three run homer and the Cards win the game. You want to know what my expression was when I saw that infamous homerun…
“Holy Sh*t…”
…yeah, it was like that… except with the surprise of disbelief and not the surprise that would involve excitement.
14 momsahippiechick // Oct 19, 2005 at 10:45 am
blah, blah, blah…i hate bball. too boring to watch, but i love hockey and football. what’s up with the paint color dilemma?
i have to admit, that when i go to Costco, for my bottled water and tp and books, i make sure i go on sundays around 11. then i know i’ll be full when i leave and i won’t have to eat lunch.
15 Gnarlysurf // Oct 19, 2005 at 3:25 pm
Welcome back to Xanga posting. We have missed you greatly. Nothing like a good Laura post typed up on an illegal wireless internet signal. Just makes your entries all the more exciting. RYC: Well yes I certainly will be back in the dating game once I go back to Paris. Would be nice so I could stay there tho it isn’t in my grand scheme. Tho the idea would be way cool. I’ll post about this in the far future but next september is far away and so I am just concentrating on surviving the week. Pass the hello to Chelsea.
16 skelestones // Oct 20, 2005 at 1:28 am
skelestones’s site has been opened up by its owner…
17 rubyblue123 // Oct 20, 2005 at 11:52 am
I can tell you that I would definitely have chuckled at your sign. I tend to avoid free samples. Unless it’s chocolate and then I’m usually game. Kudos to you for knitting in the bar! Now that is self assurance. ryc: She’s the most schizo dog I’ve ever known. I watched her jump out the window and I expected to find her in a crumpled heap outside but she chased the lady and her dogs for two blocks before she stopped. I still can’t believe she didn’t break anything.
18 geekgoddiss // Oct 20, 2005 at 12:13 pm
RYC: Thanks for the photo compliment! I haven’t forgotten your e-mail, I’m in the process of responding
By the way, thanks for that e-mail. It truly brightened my day 
19 thinlizzy17 // Oct 20, 2005 at 12:15 pm
ryc: The evil boiled steak: the Loser told me he called his mom and asked her how to cook it. She suggested boiling it with a green pepper and an onion. There are so many things that were gross about it. I can’t even describe it.
20 priorities // Oct 20, 2005 at 2:23 pm
Hi there, I saw your site listed at ‘geekgodiss ‘and thought I would stop in and say hello- I just met her today as well- So you are a writer- always interesting as it is- I see you are moving- sorry about your problems with with your current landlady…but it is exiting to plan and decorate..and all…if you like that kind of thing .I know I do-.you have some interesting stories here…I enjoyed them…take good care, and good luck with the apt… Lee
21 chublin // Oct 20, 2005 at 3:30 pm
oh crap… you mean you can see my Teen Wolf back hair? it’s quite soft and luxurious.
22 Gnarlysurf // Oct 20, 2005 at 4:07 pm
RYC: Yeah I know…spelling has always been a problem with me. When you’ve got the looks and intelligence who needs to spell correctly. HA!
23 MaximaBella // Oct 20, 2005 at 4:22 pm
your comment was freaking brilliant!!!
24 HaveyoumetGreg // Oct 20, 2005 at 4:23 pm
How Ironic that the commissioner of baseball now is a spineless waste of oxygen, and the white sox are back in the World Series?
25 natkat // Oct 20, 2005 at 4:25 pm
yes, i was a theater jc this year. it was a close call between theater and sailing, though. i am happy with the choice i made. i was overworked but i learned so freakin much and had so much fun (and i actually enjoyed the stress but shhh)! i am officially coming back as a 2nd year (my dad reluctantly signed me up yesterday) and i can’t wait! everyone says that your 2nd year summer is the best and that not coming as a 2nd year would have been (and according to olivia tandon, was) a big mistake. if you have any advice about 2nd year jc-ing please tell me! you have been through it all.
26 stacij82 // Oct 21, 2005 at 3:46 am
I love you..and I miss you..and if France gets shot to hell, I’m all over the West…promise.
27 sunshineboy78 // Oct 21, 2005 at 5:08 am
I got the reference ot Field of Dreams. I was referring to your sticky buns.
28 Brittwarner // Nov 22, 2005 at 5:12 am
That was freakin’ hilaaaarious! I laughed out loud, and no, I have NOT been smoking them marijuana cigarettes of late, so I’m not as easily amused as some… :)