The maintenance man finally showed up to repair our Niagara Faucet, and it only took two days and two bathtubs worth of long lost water. This is a shockingly quick response from an apartment complex that has no regard for protecting our planet’s precious resources, though it should be noted that a certain poorly-permed someone in the management office responded to my roommate’s work order with a stern “we have a broken stove in another apartment—sorry, your sink just isn’t our top priority.”That’s for sure. Conserving water is not a priority at all for her and her 80s-throwback hairdo. The apartment complex features sprawling lawns of green grass (riddled, mysteriously, with chicken bones. To date, Chelsea has discovered 38 different discarded legs, thighs, and breasts. I think I have a neighbor who does voodoo) which get watered twice a day.
Twice a day!
This is Santa Fe, NM, where, directly below the usual “Employees must wash hands frequently” sign at my work reads another, more climate-appropriate one: “Save water. Don’t wash your hands often.” We live in a high desert climate, where it rains so infrequently that we’re in a drought even when we’re not. Most yards are covered in gravel and cacti, because that makes sense; ours features a lush lawn and a pool, because that doesn’t, and my particular apartment complex specializes in poor logic.
The only reasons you would know you were in the arid Southwest by standing in my parking lot are the ferociously-glowing sun and the faux-adobe buildings that surround you. Everything else could be anywhere else.
If I were to run an apartment complex, as the above-mentioned troll who sports a Barbra Steisand: The Bad Years ‘do suggested perhaps I try to undertake, I would not install sprawling lawn that required more water than an orca. I would not evict tenants based on the one-sided accusations of a single resident. I would not be rude to people with legitimate concerns. I would treat every single work order with equal importance, and I would understand that a broken dishwasher or hot water heater in the middle of January needs to be addressed immediately. I would not respond to a complaint about such problems with a curt “You should feel lucky to be paying the rent you do for this part of town,” as the Troll said to my roommate a few months ago. I would also understand that “this part of town” isn’t particularly desirable given its proximity to the Coca-Cola Bottling Plant and a massive expanse of self-storage units.
And, probably most importantly, I would not get a perm. I was born in the 80s; my hair style must not suffer the same fate.
Edit: I feel I need to clear up some confusion about this whole dog-as-impediment-to- faucet-fixing thing. The reason the maintenance man couldn’t fix it the first time was because we need to be home because of Chelsea (mind you, a 12-year-old Springer Spaniel who sleeps all day is so harmless it’s laughable, but I suppose she does get a little nutso when strangers enter the house). Since both my roommate and I are at work at the same time the maintenance man is doing his thang, we never could find a time to have the plumbing examined. However, my roommate’s friend has been staying on our couch for the last month, so she was home to protect the plumber from Chelsea’s vicious attack this time around.*
*Edit #2: The apartment complex has a policy that you can have a dog, with the exception of pit bulls. This pisses me off because pit bulls are big, fluffy, adorable little creatures, and are only mean if you train them to be that way, kind of like the Permed Princess was trained to be when she was a wee lassie.**
**Edit #3: I promise that this will be the last post about my apartment complex.
Also, if you get a chance, check out my latest entry to Daily Eats. And, if you’re still bored and in need of another procrastination tool, read this one about caffeinated soap.
17 responses so far ↓
1 Rod_Lamour // Jul 20, 2005 at 2:30 pm
First I want the drawing of the Chello you posted…Secondly the bitch in the management office probably has not come to terms with her bad hair perm …so be compassionate or shove her down a flight of stairs and satisfy the thirst for blood that your readers have acquired…thirdly say HI! to Delores and when should I visit …Love ,Un Joe
2 Jay_galk25 // Jul 20, 2005 at 2:31 pm
That’s the difference though, your a smart, well mannered, hot, good person who actually gives a shit, unlike this bitch. I’d totally live in your building hehe
.
Jay “I Love Kat Rawr”
3 thinlizzy17 // Jul 20, 2005 at 2:46 pm
Maybe the perm solution seeps into her brain, making her an evil hose-beast.
4 TimsHead // Jul 20, 2005 at 3:34 pm
The only thing as strange as trying to cultivate a lawn against all nature and logic is the idea of hiring someone to manage an apartment who is simple, lacks people skills and is a veritable desert of common sense. I am also reminded of a putdown Fraser once made to Lilith on Cheers (before they got married, of course). Something to the effect of: A person of your limited attractiveness normally at least has a decent personality to compensate. So how exactly did this person get this job? Lucy Ricardo, Barney Fife and The Three Stooges weren’t available the day they were hiring?
5 doctorperky // Jul 20, 2005 at 3:52 pm
I’m not really a fan of lawn-watering even in humid climates.To date, Chelsea has discovered 38 different discarded legs, thighs, and breasts.That’s funny, but out of context, it’s really hilarious.
6 mas88 // Jul 20, 2005 at 4:17 pm
Oh my. It sounds like my ex-landlord…the woman who sued me over a variety of fabricated work orders she created after HER inability to understand electricty caused my rented townhouse to burn. Incompetence and bad hair are overwhelming AND universal in the property rental trade it seems…As a native of the Southwest…wow. In some cities, it is a violation of city ordinance to have a lawn like that. There’s nothing better when confronted with a smug, self-righteous lamebrain than a lawsuit….NB: I may be saying that ONLY because I am taking the bar exam in six days.
7 derf6179 // Jul 20, 2005 at 5:57 pm
I thought the delay in your facet maintenance was due to your dog. Of course the question begs…what the hell does Chelsea have to do with your water facet problems?!!?
8 Gabe_Real // Jul 20, 2005 at 8:21 pm
Oooooh Daily Eats… I gotta check that out.And I’ll second | third |fourth this sentiment – What does Chelsea have to do with your plumbing problems (- the lack of assistance -). Negative Vibes to your apartment manager. What a beast.Hmmm caffeinated soap? You could wash your hands and conserve *that* water for a morning wake-up beverage… Heh… Or just bottle it and leave it for the troll.More importantly: All the Positive Vibes and Wishes and Thoughts to your mom and you. *heart* I woulda sent a liveSTRONG band with the CD. Crappers on me. Jennifer Beals - of Flashdance fame (and more recently – of the hit show The L Word)I know I know, my selections were… Yeah…Positive *Goodbye Troll* Vibes!
9 Gabe_Real // Jul 20, 2005 at 8:28 pm
How do you feel about being *tagged*? (Not in a spray can | graffiti way but in a bloggah-way)?Your mission: to list 10 fictional characters that you would sleep with and tag 3 others with the same duty.Cheers!
10 Danareina // Jul 20, 2005 at 11:52 pm
I lived in a complex like that in Austin, Texas. It was torture. I say, to avoid more unnecessary stress (not to mention water loss) – move asap.
11 Didya_evawonda // Jul 21, 2005 at 3:01 am
Just come home and stop biotching about your housing dilemmae, already. BTW, pit bulls are certianly not all mean, but I defy you to present to me a “fluffy” pit bull.
Off to check out daily eats…
12 sunshineboy78 // Jul 21, 2005 at 4:50 am
First of all, this apartmen complex is not being managed by one evil woman. You need to call the management company and find out who her manager is. You have a record of all the times that Bridshit had been mean to you. You can report her. This is not appropriate customer service and, I don’t know about Santa Fe, but in Arizona they take the drought very seriously and you could report Bridshit to the local drought police for her failure to address a major water leak.
My sister used to have a pitbull hybrid, that was violent, but only if she didn’t know you (the pitbull, not my sister). I did learn to adore the dog, and she was often very affecionate. Most pitbulls, however, are trained to be vicious. The one in the apartment across the hall from us attacked Cosmos twice. They finally gaver her away.
13 jaki_o // Jul 21, 2005 at 4:55 am
Man, I can’t believe the things that woman says to you. How awful!
14 x_defying_gravity_x // Jul 21, 2005 at 6:41 am
Well at least they sorted it all out for ya! And you’re right about pitbulls. They aren’t vicious in nature, it’s all about how they’re trained. Whatever, some people just don’t get it!
15 Gnarlysurf // Jul 21, 2005 at 4:35 pm
Have you seen any scorpions? Watch out for your shoes. They ALWAYS get in them when you sleep.
16 colette_and_moi // Jul 23, 2005 at 3:39 pm
Shouldn’t there be a law against growing green lush lawns? I mean really, if you want green grass that badly put down some astro turf–easier to maintain and is green.
17 prettypixie7 // Jul 25, 2005 at 3:27 am
But I like these stories!