We got another noise complaint. This time, though, nobody was practicing their music, or talking on a cell phone loudly, or even dropping a 2×4 onto the patio below. This time, according to our lovely (I use the term loosely) neighbor, at noon on Saturday we were making copious amounts of noise. The apartment manager told us that if we receive one more complaint, we will be evicted.This is ridiculous. At noon on Saturday, the blaring decibels coming from our apartment were no louder than those produced by a normal conversation. At the very most, and I don’t think this was even happening, I might have been listening to a Ray LaMontagne CD on my computer, whose speakers do not get very loud at all. In fact, I can barely hear the music from the next room.
I don’t want to bother anyone. If I’m making too much noise, I would like to know. If my music is too loud, I will turn it down. But there is nothing I can do about it after the fact, and there is nothing I can do to prevent another complaint if something like talking quietly merits one. So I decided to take matters into my own hands, or at least try to stick up for myself, and it didn’t go so well:
This is a rough transcript of my phone conversation with Bridget, the apartment complex manager, and of course, my internal dialogue inserted in places where I didn’t voice it. Please note that her quotes are to be read in the bitchiest tone imaginable:
Mydogischelsea: I heard that we got a noise complaint, and I just wanted to know the details.
Bridshit: Well, at noon on Saturday you were being so loud that when your neighbor called to complain, the cop could hear you on the other end of the line. [I said 'details,' you dumb shit, not 'unreasonable allegations.']
Mydogischelsea: I just don’t understand how that could be possible. We weren’t being that loud at noon on Saturday. How do they know it was us?
Bridshit: You don’t have any idea what the noises you make sound like to them. [Neither do you.]
Mydogischelsea: Yes, but the loudest thing that could have been possibly going on was some music on my computer, and the speakers on my computer are so small that the music never really gets very—
Bridshit: Even in the built in kind, they have a lot of—what’s it called? You know, bass or something. [I was listening to folk rock. Are you fucking kidding me? And besides, they're computer speakers, not a giant subwoofer.]
Mydogischelsea: I mean, maybe, but I just don’t see how that could have been that loud.
Bridshit: Well, you should change the settings on your computer to turn down the bass.
Mydogischelsea: Okay, I will, but the point is that I don’t know how to prevent further instances if we get complaints when we’re not even being loud. I don’t think it’s fair that we could face eviction because some woman keeps complaining that we’re being too loud when we’re not.
Bridshit: That’s life. [No, that's not true, you moron. In life, we have a criminal justice system in which you are innocent until proven guilty.] In this apartment complex, you have to be quiet, that’s the way it is at places like these.
Mydogischelsea: I’ve lived in apartments my whole life, and I’ve dealt with opera singers and saxophones and screaming children at all hours of the day, and I’ve never complained. That woman who lives below us has three little dogs, one of which barks 24/7, and I don’t fill out paperwork on her. And if it really bothered me all that much, I would just knock on her door and tell her.
Bridshit: You can’t expect people to do favors for you if you don’t respect the system. [You are so absurd it's beyond words.]
Mydogischelsea: Okay, well, who is the one complaining? Is it just one—
Bridshit: You need to listen to me. [No, bitch, you need to listen to me.] This is a quiet complex. We have a lot of people who work at St. Vincent’s Hospital and they keep odd hours, and you have to respect that at all hours of the day. [Did you fucking hear me? We weren't making noise!]
Mydogischelsea: Fine, but I would just appreciate a little knock on the door or a phone call from a neighbor if they think we’re being too loud, so that way we can stop what we’re doing and fix it.
Bridshit: That’s why they have this system. We pay $1,600 a month to have off-duty cops on the complex so that in cases like these, our residents have someone to turn to so they don’t have to confront their neighbors because they don’t like confrontations. [Where were these overpriced cops when one of the douchebag residents stole my car stereo?]
Mydogischelsea: But that’s what neighbors do! They confront one another! That’s what a community is!
Bridshit: YOU NEED TO STOP! If you’re so unhappy here, then you can go ahead and move out. And why don’t you buy your own apartment complex and manage it yourself while you’re at it if you think—
And that’s when I hung up on her. I need to stop? I’m the one being unreasonable? This is what I think is going on here: My houseguest, a friend named Kristen, was making a lot of noise on the balcony one night and then her friend accidentally knocked a 2×4 into my neighbor’s patio. The woman and Kristen had a discussion of some sort about the piece of wood during which, I suspect, Kristen must have said something that angered her. I would like to point out that Kristen has long dreds and sort of floats from commune to commune and this is the only face this middle-aged cranky-ass nurse has ever been able to connect to the so-called noise.
I think that the MACAN (middle-aged cranky-ass nurse) thinks that we’re a bunch of rude pot-smoking hippies who have no regard for her upstanding citizenry. While Kristen would never fall into the category of “rude pot-smoking hippie” (well, maybe the “hippie” part), I suspect that the MACAN has judged us unfairly based on that one interaction and the prejudices she carries with her and has since complained about us three times. Before the fallen 2×4, we never heard a peep out of her (just out of her dog), despite my roommate’s nightly blasting of opera music and the late night party D once threw, which was complete with dancing, loud music, and tequila being poured on people.
D attempted to speak with the MACAN this evening to try to smooth things over, but she didn’t come to the door. So until we can talk to her and explain that we are responsible and hard-working young women who are not intentionally trying to make her life hell (and, I would add, on Saturday afternoon I was doing loud and obtrusive activities such as laundry, cleaning my room, and napping), I’ll be tiptoeing, whispering, and holding my breath.
Quietly yours,
Mydogischelsea
[PS: I tried to find an appropriate "Currently Listening" cd, so I typed the word "quiet" into the Xangazon search. The first ten or so options were all Luther Vandross albums. Yeah, no. Not even in the name of propriety would I say I was listening to Luther Vandross.]
27 responses so far ↓
1 sinecurist // Jul 14, 2005 at 6:05 pm
that is a terrible state of affairs. it’s time to go househunting :p
2 TimsHead // Jul 14, 2005 at 6:13 pm
w00t!This line was delicious: You can’t expect people to do favors for you if you don’t respect the system. Sounds like something out of 1984 or Animal Farm, doesn’t it? Or maybe it’s like McCarthyism … if you blow the whistle on your neighbors, you’ll be seen as a better tenant. I seem to be stuck in postwar references right now. Darn history degree.
3 Gabe_Real // Jul 14, 2005 at 6:26 pm
Regarding your comment: I played golf after work. I was there (physically) until the end! (I just blog at work… Heh)I’ve listened to Ray Lamontagne (courtesy of this lovely girl here – who you might know)… I can safely say that there is no booming BASS (like the Miami | Hotlanta booming BASS).. I love how you refer to your spineless and crappy Apt. manager Bridshit. Interchangeable: “Dipshit”.Some people are just useless sucks who have nothing of value left in their meaningless and crappy existence that they wish to *gift* this to others… What sucks is MACAN should be the one to go and find a rest home – so she can live peacefully with the rest of the aged. I believe it’s nice and quiet there.No love for Luther? The guy sang Here and Now… You could always play some Neil Diamond… Heh… I hear the elderly love that stuff.Positive Vibes!Gabe
4 x_defying_gravity_x // Jul 14, 2005 at 6:27 pm
Wow that is so frustration…you seem to handle it quite well…I probably would’ve snapped by now!
5 zmftimelord // Jul 14, 2005 at 6:35 pm
That is insane. I admit that I have a poor tolerance for noise, but if her dogs don’t bug her, then she should be quiet. Perhaps you should go downstairs and confront her. It might prevent another report. If she wanted absolute quiet, she should have not lived below someone…or she should get a fucking house. Good luck. And you don’t have to take that crap from the manager either, does she not have someone above her in the company? I’d explain how rude she was to you…
6 x_defying_gravity_x // Jul 14, 2005 at 7:24 pm
RYC: I was in Alberta, Canada…those are the Rocky Mountains separating BC and Alberta…and she’s right…would moving really be so bad?
7 chublin // Jul 14, 2005 at 10:05 pm
You have rights as a renter. Look into it. I have a feeling you could, for instance, leave your vacuum on all day and they couldn’t do a single thing about it…
8 prettypixie7 // Jul 15, 2005 at 3:27 am
It’s good to see that I can still count on nothing but brilliance from your posts.
9 TexasAlan // Jul 15, 2005 at 3:28 am
That Birdshit Bridget is such a big bitch.
10 AZcowboy // Jul 15, 2005 at 4:19 am
That is so funny…..I think MACAN needs to get a little, little if you know what I mean?
11 sunshineboy78 // Jul 15, 2005 at 4:26 am
You know how I feel about middle-aged nurses
12 Jay_galk25 // Jul 15, 2005 at 4:47 am
I was listening to folk rock. Are you fucking kidding me?
or
No, bitch, you need to listen to me
I’m torn between which of these two is more brilliant lol.
If anything this post has now inspired to wear headphones as I’m blasting dance music and commenting on Xanga’s atm haha.
Jay “I Love Kat Rawr”
13 stacij82 // Jul 15, 2005 at 4:51 am
Oh Laura! How shitty! I know those moments of “But we weren’t doing anything!” My landlord says he’ll never let another dog owner lease from him because my former roommate’s dog was “out of control.” I admit Abe was a pain in the ass sometimes, but out of control? I don’t think so.
14 StigmataMartyr42 // Jul 15, 2005 at 5:07 am
Ah, silly neighbors who think they know everything that goes on in one’s place just because of one incident…just terrible. When people get an idea in their head, if they are stubborn enough they will stick with it, regardless of how absurd it really is. The exaggerations are really fucking stupid also. Why are people so damn stubborn?! Fucking cockbags. Ok, take care.
15 fern_forest // Jul 15, 2005 at 5:28 am
OMG, what a debacle. that woman sounds like a nightmare. it is just common courtesy to approach someone that is being noisy and speak to them about it before calling some dipshit at the management company. i loathe people that judge people based upon appearance – i.e. dreadheads, suit wearers, the nude. i have known all sorts of responsible dreadies and crack smoking suit wearers. as for the nude, we all are sometimes.
16 trcs // Jul 15, 2005 at 7:03 am
Wow, my frustration level is going up just reading that conversation. I can’t imagine actually having to be part of that crap.
17 trcs // Jul 15, 2005 at 7:14 am
oh yeah and ryc, Mean Creek is definately not an unfortunate combo of Mean Girls and Dawson’s Creek. Funny to think how they’d do that though…. Hillary Duff would be in it for sure.
18 KiylaaJem // Jul 15, 2005 at 7:15 am
Wow… Is that woman really that dumb? I mean, you don’t seem like the type to make a loud noise, and that Kristen girl probably didn’t intentionally drop that 2×4… People are really stupid. Hopefully you won’t have anymore trouble. Best of luck.
Amy
19 Chekhovslittlebrother // Jul 15, 2005 at 7:32 am
Just some advice from someone who might know something about this:The first thing: No more talking on the phone. Write them a letter — rejecting the complaint(s) until they can provide some adequate proof. Also remind them that you were not given the chance to defend yourself properly, or file a similiar counter-complaint against your neighbor.Second, call the Housing Department, or The State Attorney General’s office. Find out what your rights are in your state. Ask them what they can do for you and if they don’t handle these disputes — who does. No 311 in the West I guess.My advice is to do something now. In some states, an eviction can affect future rental agreements and well as your credit rating! It sounds to me like someone has it in for you, or doesn’t like New Yorkers . . .
20 Gnarlysurf // Jul 15, 2005 at 4:48 pm
That is just so horrible. Shesh…be sure when making entries that you don’t push down too hard on the keyboard so you don’t disturb the neighbors. What a loud of crap that is. You should have a huge party and make tons of noice to show her what “noise” really is. I mean a conversation …even a slightly annimated conversation should be ok. Like you said when you live in an apartment there is a give and take as long as the noice isn’t being generated at ungodly hours. Shesh some people are just really pricks. Hmmm…seems like you neighbor trouble could work in hand with my idea of a modified COPS show. RYC: Yes it is a great story with Steph and I. Speaking of which I need to email her. I’m trying to get her to make a xanga account. Oh and shhhhhh…you’re breathing way too loud!
21 Gnarlysurf // Jul 15, 2005 at 4:50 pm
typos: load, noise, noise… and perhaps more
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22 Phantom_Wisdom // Jul 15, 2005 at 5:24 pm
How annoying… I agree with others, find a new place. Being stuck into being silent as a mouse all the time isn’t good for anything.
23 Trueblue456 // Jul 15, 2005 at 8:15 pm
Somehow I always feel like no more than an echo when my comments are posted after a string of 22 others. But I will not let that deter me from posting a few of my thoughts: -aaahhh!! Although that conversation was frustrating in its entirety, I have to admit that reading your internal dialogue (which were my immediate reactions to her comments as I read the conversation) helped ease the pain. -Chekovslittlebrother seems to have made some good suggestions. I would definitely follow up on them…-As for bridshit herself…there are so many points that keep coming to mind, but they all end with me shaking my head in disbelief thinking: “Seriously, you’ve got to be kidding me.”So…Thank You (on all of your readers’ behalfs) for hanging up on her when you did! Props!p.s. do you think she can hear your mouse making clicking noises?
24 derf6179 // Jul 16, 2005 at 9:33 am
That is crazy. If you do decide to move out make sure to host some sort of party there on the last night.
25 Rod_Lamour // Jul 16, 2005 at 6:02 pm
Hey Doll…I caught up on all your posts…you can take the girl out of New York but not the New YTork out of the girl…Take a deep breath…then kick her ass….Love you Uncle Joe…My birthday was the 12th…do I get a little something about the first time we met
26 doctorperky // Jul 17, 2005 at 3:56 pm
All managers of apartment complexes are evil. Every last one. Also everyone who works for companies that manage rental properties. It’s part of the job description. You go in for the interview and they say, “Are you evil?” And if you say no, you’re out, straight out. It also helps to list your current residence as Hell, though you want to reassure them that you aren’t looking for them to cover the costs of relocation.
27 My Dog is Chelsea » Blog Archive » An exception to the rule // Oct 11, 2006 at 8:41 pm
[...] So while my apartment complex doesn’t have a governing body to predetermine laundry policy, I am actually quite thankful for that. My past experience with a management company was one time too many, and I have since vowed to never do it again. My landlady doesn’t always fix the things that are broken. So what? She gives me freedom, and I appreciate that. [...]