Everyone, it seems, is talking about Tom Cruise and his ridiculous appearance on the Today Show with Matt Lauer. By “everyone,” I mean three different blogs and news sites I happened across during my morning cup of coffee (here’s one example). To give you a recap (of the recaps I’ve read):
Tom Cruise goes on the Today Show. He feels threatened by Matt Lauer’s apparent position of influence, power, and height, and thus proceeds to call him ‘glib.’ Cruise, who is engaged to Katie Holmes of Dawson’s Creek fame, then admits to having a desire to spread his belief in Scientology, which is some bizarre religion about aliens coming down and procreating with monkeys. For whatever reason, it has mass appeal among the reformed Hollywood cokehead scene, including Kirstie Alley, who credits the religion with helping her kick her addiction and thus allowing her to put on enough weight to star in the patheticality show Fat Actress.
No wait. Rewind. Oh yeah, Tom Cruise. Maybe I need some Ritalin or something to help me stay on track, which, speaking of prescription medication that has a similar effect to that of the preferred drug of the Hollywood elite, was the topic of the Lauer-Cruise debate. In between filming Jerry McGuire and whatever other bad movie he was making, it seems, Tom Cruise, MD, Ph.D, opened up a book (for the first time in his life) and read about the effects of stimulants, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotics, and has now taken on the mission of making sure that people really know (as he asserted Matt Lauer did not) what they are talking about when it comes to medication for mental illness.
Because, obviously, Tom Cruise really knows what he’s talking about. Anyone who could have Renee Zellweger at hello, well, by golly, is a freaking expert on life.
17 responses so far ↓
1 TimsHead // Jun 25, 2005 at 3:41 pm
Did I sneak in first? Then all is right with the universe. (Except for me not being at a bar at 8:30 on a Saturday night, but I digress.)Tom Cruise is a native of Central New York, Syracuse to be exact, and its nothing people in these parts are proud of these days. Bad enough that he has a meltdown on national TV, but he also has the bad form to do so after I’ve posted my weekly Thursday Tipsheet, and will thus be old news by next week. But then we can’t rule out him doing something even more outrageous between now and then.I still hold to this all being a publicity stunt, and perhaps the idea of a living a lie more publicly than ever is making ol’ Tom crack. In any event, props to you for the succinct, amusing, well-linked recap. I hope your paper lets you do this kind of clever shtick at least once in a while.
2 TimsHead // Jun 25, 2005 at 3:43 pm
Correction in first sentence of second graf: … and it’s nothing people … Argh! Guilty of my big fat grammatical pet peeve. My bad. Carry on.
3 babyboomer64 // Jun 26, 2005 at 4:35 am
fantastic! speaking of which..i cannot stand renee zellweger’s face. looks like she is constantly sucking a lemon!
4 Jay_galk25 // Jun 26, 2005 at 4:58 am
Slacker, I did a Tom Cruise rant three posts ago :). Btw Fat Actress was a funny show, seeing her crawling on the floor crying when told she should do commericals for Jenny Craig was priceless :).
Jay “Rawr”
5 Rod_Lamour // Jun 26, 2005 at 5:21 am
Bravoooooo …My dear …you are the best.
6 Huerter0 // Jun 26, 2005 at 7:37 am
I have issues with Tom Cruise’s debating style. I might listen to his monkey-alien love child stories and his pharmaceutical attacks if he, oh, I don’t know, cited a valid reference? I have issues with just accepting Joey’s boyfriend’s “professional opinion” without qualification.In short, right on.
7 Jay_galk25 // Jun 26, 2005 at 10:07 am
re: Oh you know, their taking away the right to do anything “to overtly sexual” on free porn sites, I’ll email you the new rules.
Jay “Rawr”
8 chicagoartgirl23 // Jun 26, 2005 at 5:24 pm
Hilarious! Tom Cruise is obviously suffering from a chemical imbalance himself, whether he believes in the phenomenon or not. My newest favorite impersonation to do (while drunk) is of Tom Cruise flipping out and rampaging around Oprah’s set, flailing his fist and humping Oprah’s furniture like a horney lap dog while screaming, “I LOOOOOOVE Katie! I love her! I love her! RAR!”
9 StigmataMartyr42 // Jun 26, 2005 at 6:51 pm
Utterly hilarious. Fucking stars thinking they can do and say what they want, but I still think they look silly. Well, I am still in Michigan and not in New York, so life really sucks. It’s funny because I think that life will all of a sudden become cool when I go to New York. Luckily, I live in dreams and the relocation is about a year away. Ok, take care.
10 sunshineboy78 // Jun 27, 2005 at 4:55 am
Honestly, there is very little worse than Tom Cruise. Not content with having a Napoleonic Complex, he is now reduced to a Mid-life crisis as well.
11 MaximaBella // Jun 27, 2005 at 5:44 am
Mr.Cruise has lost his freaking marbles, weve all heard this KH thing is a publicity stunt…to get him at a younger audience, I dont know if this is true..what I do know is, I watched him on Oprah acting like a yard ape, and I have never seen anyone, even myself act like that, without being on the influence and high of love…so maybe it is true…if its not..what, Penelope Cruz wasnt good enuf?……wow…..
so this DSL thing…its coming in 2 days, but what do you mean I dont have to have MSN..then what do I use? Just Internet Explorer?
12 MaximaBella // Jun 27, 2005 at 5:46 am
btw, you are really channeling Nelly Furtado in your profile pic
13 Gabe_Real // Jun 27, 2005 at 7:14 am
Firstly: I totally agree with MaximaBella on the Nelly Furtado mention… I can’t believe the image didn’t come to me before - I’m Like A Bird video… (Do you know what I’m talking about? Does anyone? I’ll try to find it on Quicktime and show it on m’bloggah)Secondly: How are things in Santa Fe? What’s happening there? How’s Chelsea? How’s work? Are you getting your weekly Sunday NY Times Crossword fix?RYC: Why do weekends go by so fast? (I’m going to Google it - Stay tuned for a Gabe_Real pointless blog coming soon) How come time flies faster when you’re having fun? Why can’t we have 5-day weekends and 2-day work weeks? Why is Tom Cruise jumping on sofas? (I would not want him to be my Wing Man anytime soon). Tom Cruise: A mid-life crisis spiraling out-of-control (a la Top Gun) - Next week’s Dateline story. Heh.Positive Vibes | Take care of you,Gabe
14 fern_forest // Jun 27, 2005 at 8:21 am
that website on scientology is top notch. i’m going to take a test now to see how toxic i really am. the first line in their mission statement is for “a civilization without insanity…” yeah, ok.
15 friend_of_laura // Jun 27, 2005 at 3:26 pm
brilliant.. laura, new york misses you and your humor- come back!!
16 VirtuallySane // Jun 27, 2005 at 4:29 pm
That was a great post! Where’s that crazy ’stop the insanity’ catchphrase woman from the early nineties when you really need her??
17 McCrakin_Phil // Jun 27, 2005 at 9:10 pm
“Anyone who could have Renee Zellweger at hello, well, by golly, is a freaking expert on life.” that is awesome