Even though Chelsea is old and arthritic and spends 99.99% of her time plastered to the floor like a throw rug, she nonetheless finds trouble at every turn. I like to think that this is because she maximizes the time she spends actually standing up — i.e., her mantra is this: If I’m going to bother getting off my doggy pillow, I might as well find something good to eat while I’m up.
For Chelsea, something “good” can mean consuming anything from paper cups to various crumbs to an entire hunk of parmesan cheese (including the Saran Wrap encasing it, which took a month to pass through her system and consequently caused her to smell like a fart for the duration. She wasn’t actually farting; she became a fart). Tonight, however, the ‘good eat’ she discovered was a wedge of bittersweet chocolate.
Bittersweet chocolate is the worst kind for dogs. It has a very strong concentration of theobromine, a stimulant that affects a canine’s central nervous system and can be lethal. Chelsea probably had only an ounce when I discovered what she was up to, but that’s enough to be worried.
In case none of you have experienced the mischievious-dog-plus-chocolate-in-an-accessible-area combo, if you’re lucky enough to catch your furry friend in the act, this is what you do: squirt one teaspoon of hydrogen peroxide per every ten pounds of their body weight down their throat. I know, I though it was murder, too, but the vet assured me that Chelsea would be okay.
So I dispensed four teaspoons of hydrogen peroxide into her mouth. It was scary — she foamed at the mouth and coughed and wriggled and made that face I make after shooting back a tequila shot. But sure enough, five minutes later she puked up all of the chocolate and the fabulously tasty dog food she ate for dinner — all over the lawn in my apartment complex.
I was worried that she might still be sick when she furiously pulled me to another section of the lawn. She was hot on the trail, and since my fat ass was tethered to hers by her bothersome leash (that’s for you, D-Lo), I had to follow. I thought she was going to throw up again.
But then I scanned the lawn ahead of us: Not two feet away was a discarded chicken bone, yet another canine nemesis. I yanked her leash to divert the next crisis (strangely, this is probably the eighth discarded chicken bone Chelsea has nearly found since we moved to Santa Fe, all of which were on the lawn outside of my apartment building. I think one of my neighbors must stand outside with a bucket of KFC every night or something. It’s kind of bizarre). A few years ago, I saved her from choking on a chicken bone by reaching down her throat and retrieving a shattered drumstick, and let me tell you, one of those incidents in a lifetime is more than enough.
But as I dragged a reluctant Chelsea away from the bone, I felt somewhat relieved. After all, at least she was up to her usual tricks.
25 responses so far ↓
1 TimsHead // May 26, 2005 at 5:32 pm
Perhaps you live near an ancient haunted chicken burial ground? I’ve heard the Southwest is funky that way.All these tales of Chelsea and bodily fluids. Are we making a sitcom or a Farrelly Brothers movie now?Welcome back … and you’ve been tagged. Sorry but it’s a compliment: You’re so literate, I assume you must have enjoyed some good books. Really.
2 Magazineman // May 26, 2005 at 6:10 pm
Chelsea sure enjoys living dangerously. What’s next? Eating onions? Playing in traffic?Have you started your internship yet? Did I miss an entry? I kind of can’t wait to hear about it…
3 sunshineboy78 // May 27, 2005 at 7:33 am
Chocolate and dogs is terrifying. Once, accidently, R and I got Chocolate all over the kitchen floor. Cosmos stayed away while were getting it dirty, but as soon as we finished, he decided his time had come. We had to lock him in the bedroom while we cleaned – first ourselves then the floor.
Baking can get so messy.
4 Jay_galk25 // May 27, 2005 at 8:22 am
You’d be suprised at some of the stuff we find my dog trying to eat, squirrels, potato chips, etc. In fact, he once got up on a chair and sat down, thinking he was gonna eat dinner with us. In a previous life, my dog was a fatty I bet
.
Jay “Rawr”
5 Rod_Lamour // May 27, 2005 at 12:42 pm
Well the apple did not fall far from the tree….Chelsea also has a sweet tooth….Hope you are well
6 chicagoartgirl23 // May 27, 2005 at 1:08 pm
I love that there are chicken bones littering Santa Fe. Littering is rude and awful, but littering knawed at carcas bits is just gruesome. Don’t people know that you gotta save those suckers for broth? ::smile::You are a great dog owner indeed–Chealsea is a lucky pup. So when are you going to blog about your internship? I hope it’s going so rediculously good that there are just no heinous things to blog about. ::smile:: Anyhow, I hope its going well!
7 rubyblue123 // May 27, 2005 at 2:53 pm
I understand your joy at having Chelsea doing something doggyish. We had one of our four legged friends pass away last summer after a long illness but even in his last month when he would bark incessantly for a biscuit it would make me smile where when he was young I would want to throttle him. When they get to be oldsters you cherish every minute. Kudos for ridding her of her chocolate booty.
8 x_defying_gravity_x // May 27, 2005 at 4:36 pm
Yikes…glad to hear she’s okay! I’d be really scared to if I had to give my dog hydrogen peroxide! Yikes! My dog ate a chicken bone once that my grandpa was holding too close to the ground one night…it never came out but she was okay. The first couple weeks the vet had to see her a few times to make sure it wasn’t going to damage her stomach lining…but we were lucky…we don’t know where it went, but she was fine!
9 Gabe_Real // May 27, 2005 at 5:46 pm
If every pet had someone that cared for them as you do Chelsea… You so rock.Now, as everyone else has been asking about (and I’m more of a follower than a leader) – how is your internship going?Positive Vibes,Gabe
10 StigmataMartyr42 // May 28, 2005 at 7:02 am
Our old dog, a huge German Shepherd mix, used to scarf down the chicken bones with minimal chewing. My father used to make him do tricks for old chicken bones and he’d eat about two to three chickens worth of bones in one sitting. I always thought that it was not very healthy for him, but my parents were terrible owners. He was very much a feral dog, honest. Well, at least he wasn’t a pitbull, shitbull or an owner has little man syndrome rottweiler, because then he might have eaten a few babies along with his chicken bones. Very relieved now that I think about it.
I can imagine some drunk guys on a second floor apartment eating some old KFC, thinking that it’s damn hilarious to throw the bones over the railing. Oh what stupid things we do when we have a few drinks.
I love the layout of your xanga by the way.
11 soleilseven // May 28, 2005 at 9:09 am
Your stories are not only amusing, but a public service reminder to someone like myself who thinks she wants a dog, but will probably end up killing it since I’m hardly ever home. (and I KNOW my dog would end up going straight for the chocolate and chicken bones and try to eat plastic. It’s just inevitable.)
12 jaqz // May 28, 2005 at 1:33 pm
woah. that IS scary, but i thank you for the knowledge. hydrogen peroxide, whoda thunk…
13 edudlooc13 // May 28, 2005 at 6:35 pm
I’ve always heard of the dog + chocolate badness but I never knew it was like this. Chelsea is quite the adventurer isn’t she?
14 Jay_galk25 // May 29, 2005 at 5:08 am
I told a little quote about puppies on my Xanga, I’m thinking I should tell you not to read it, you may just be way to disgusted with me (even though it was a joke) hehe.
Jay “Oh God I’m 25 Rawr”
15 KiylaaJem // May 29, 2005 at 8:01 am
What a mischevious dog…
16 pumpernickel_rye // May 29, 2005 at 9:57 am
I’ve given you an assignment. http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=pumpernickel_rye&tab=weblogs&uid=272479318
17 Dyrb2 // May 29, 2005 at 12:16 pm
I had a friend that became a fart one time. He then smelled like Jagermeister for a week. Yeah, I’m not sure either.
18 Chekhovslittlebrother // May 29, 2005 at 5:34 pm
‘Twas a well-turned, well-advised post –
19 thinlizzy17 // May 29, 2005 at 5:52 pm
She sounds like a handful! At least she’s efficient in her michief while she’s up…
20 prettypixie7 // May 30, 2005 at 3:48 pm
I am so glad I only missed two posts…I hate playing catch-up!
21 tektoo2 // May 31, 2005 at 4:34 am
Wow, I mean I knew chocolate was bad for dogs but I never knew what it did to them. That’s pretty serious! And then the Peroxide, DAMN! That must have been traumatizing for the both of you. It’s good to hear she’s ok now though.
22 Earthgirl7 // May 31, 2005 at 6:47 am
woah the chocolate news is not good considering my dog who passed away a few years ago ate a box of godivas she found wrapped under the chirstmas tree… but she didn’t die from that it was cancer of some sort. Anyways, we feed our other dog everything that we eat. For example, last night my family went out to dinner and my mom got lamb and I got macoroni and cheese. My dog had both.
Can’t wait for camp! You’re coming back, right?
23 Non_Featured_Content // May 31, 2005 at 9:53 am
*************************Non_Featured_Content!*************************Congratulations MyDogIsChelsea, Based on the high amount of reader feedback, your site is in the running for NFC TopTen status Summer 2005. This will be your second season as TopTen.GoodLuck,-The BXU! Team
24 zmftimelord // May 31, 2005 at 2:47 pm
I feel like I have to comment. I mean everyone else seems to! I love your blog.
25 MoreWhereThatCameFrom // Jun 1, 2005 at 11:42 am
…warm regards to chelsea…and to your roommate…