Aside: The other morning, Chelsea and I took a nice, long stroll through the park. The sun, half-poking through the clouds, illuminated the pink of the cherry blossoms and glow of the daffodils. “This is why I love New York in the spring,” I thought to myself as I admired the blooming flowers. Then I looked down: lying in the grass was a weatherworn, discarded condom wrapper. Go figure.
Moving on to Friday afternoon. My friend Joanna and I planned to meet up and do some work in a coffee shop. Joanna, far from motivated to write her six final papers, was procrastinating and didn’t really want to start her work.”I’m watching TV,” she protested. “Let me just watch one more episode of the Golden Girls.”
I decided to take matters into my own hands, because even as the Best Procrastinator Ever, I know when it’s time to buckle down. And besides, I don’t like being blown off for bad television programming. Chelsea needed to go for a walk, so I brought her with me as I headed over to Joanna’s building, prepared to drag my friend off the couch with the dog’s leash if it came to that.
But when I got to the top of her stoop and rang her bell a few times, no one answered the door. I decided to try the bell on the ground floor door, and turned around to go down the stairs.
Chelsea wouldn’t hear of it. She gave me a look. “No way in hell are these arthritic hips going down the stairs right now,” she said with her eyes.
“Come on, Chels, we can’t stay here all day,” I responded.
“Fine, but I’m only moving if you give me a treat,” she bargained.
I hesitated. “Okay, but last one.”
This is where I made my mistake. I should have given it to her then, and then coaxed her down the stairs. But I knew from experience that she would have been just as stubborn after the treat as she was before it, and I would have to wait until we reached the sidewalk below.
I will never make that mistake again.
Intent on the treat, Chelsea hobbled down the stairs very quickly. Too intent, obviously, because she tripped on the bottom step and crashed down to the sidewalk. She stood up, seemingly unphased by the incident.
She looked up at me. “Give me the frigging treat,” she said.
I gave it to her, and she ate it happily, and then probed the surrounding sidewalk for crumbs. I noticed that she was holding up her right front paw.
Oh no. I bent down to inspect it. She must have hurt it when she fell.
When I took the paw in my hand, blood squirted from it. Within seconds there was a pool of it on the sidewalk, and my hand was drenched.
Fuck. She couldn’t put any weight on it. There’s an animal hospital on the corner, I thought.
Scared out of my mind, I picked Chelsea up and jogged to the corner — as best one can with a 43-pound Springer Spaniel in her arms — and was almost there when…
“EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME!” said an irritating voice.
I looked up to see a woman in a gargantuan SUV with Jersey plates attempting to park (you do the math). “Will I fit in this spot?” she brayed.
Are you fucking kidding me? I’m carrying a dog who is bleeding faster than Niagara Falls can flow, and my jeans look like the pants Picasso wore during his rose period. DO YOU THINK I CARE IF YOUR STUPID CAR FITS INTO THE FRIGGIN’ SPOT? But covered in blood and out of breath, I evaluated. The dumb biotch had a foot in front and a foot in back. A goddamn Hummer limousine would have fit in the spot.
After a second, I panted, “Yes.”
“Oh.” Pause. “Thanks.”
Whatthefuck?
Anyway, I moved on, and got Chelsea into the animal hospital. It didn’t take long for Lake Michigan to gather on the floor, which Chelsea decided to deal with by licking up her own blood. Sick.
The receptionist, who was deep in a debate about the best Chinese takeout in the area, finally looked at me. She gasped.
“We have an emergency,” the receptionist radioed to the back room. “And we’ll need a mop.”
As it turned out, when Chelsea tripped, she managed to rip off one of her claws all the way down to where it meets her skin. The vet had to sedate her ($80), cut into her paw ($80), wrap her leg ($20), and prescribe amoxicillin ($20). She is fine now (for everything else there’s Mastercard), and after two days of moping around the apartment, she seems now to have regained her spirit and is no longer limping on her bandaged leg. The whole episode was quite� a scare, and it shook me up (and her, obviously) a lot. Thankfully, though, the injury was rather minor, and the vet handled the situation well. Chelsea will be fine.But when people on the street see her bandaged paw, they ask, “Awwww, what happened to the puppy’s leg?”
I answer truthfully: “She broke a nail.”
30 responses so far ↓
1 sunshineboy78 // Apr 25, 2005 at 9:21 am
That’s terrifying. I don’t know how you handled that. Did I tell you about Cosmos getting hit by the car? Obviously he’s fine, but it scared the shiznicki out of me.
2 jaki_o // Apr 25, 2005 at 9:45 am
Oh my god, I would have panicked like no other. I love the tag line, she broke a nail. Hee hee. Glad to hear she’s ok!!
3 tektoo2 // Apr 25, 2005 at 9:53 am
Yikes! Here’s to a speedy recovery to Chels! You were covered in blood, but a lady wants to know if she’ll fit in a parking spot? Wow, people are funny. BTW, some people from Jersey with SUV’s can park without help…lol
4 jaqz // Apr 25, 2005 at 10:14 am
tsk oh my god, i would’ve freaked. i’m so so so glad she’s ok, i’m so glad. good job on the jogging with the dog, too, girl, you is a tough mama in an emergency.
5 visitamanda // Apr 25, 2005 at 10:17 am
brilliant tale!
I’ve discovered recently that our world is really small and we’re connected in numerous ways (Terra Sweet AND Tim Nekritz). You should probably get yo’ ass to Vancouver sometime so that Ter, you and I can exchange some stories in person
6 skylia22 // Apr 25, 2005 at 12:14 pm
poor puppy dog! i am glad she is better!
7 samatlarge // Apr 25, 2005 at 12:24 pm
Hi Laura. Now I know who you are when Amanda talks about her “friend Laura in New York.” i did the blue b/g by creating a really wide image (1900 pixels by 10 pixesl tall) with the white gap that is the same width as what my text is. then i set it as the b/g image and it tiles down infinitely. does that make sense? now i look like a total nerd! have a great week!!
8 TimsHead // Apr 25, 2005 at 12:29 pm
Your life, dear Laura, is indeed a sitcom … with all due respect to poor Chelsea’s sufferings. I see your trip to Santa Fe as an opportunity to script one of those “fish-out-of-water” comedies.The title sequence starts with you in NYC, slogging through snow, dealing with rude people on the subway and the like, then a brief segue sequence of traveling to Santa Fe, and all the sun and strip malls. You will, of course, have a bunch of wacky neighbors, co-workers and whatnot. Sort of like Mary Tyler Moore meets Alice.We’ll need a good theme song, but the original MTM “Love Is All Around” would just be too obvious. But maybe we could score the unrelated Wet Wet Wet song also titled “Love Is All Around” (best known from Four Weddings and A Funeral). The song will fit the credits quite nicely, as the opening bars — I feel it in my fingers/I feel it in my toes — will go over shots of you all bundled up, trudging through winter, etc. Plus, it’s an ’80s song, and this type of retro is all the rage.Sound good? Have your people call my people.
9 prettypixie7 // Apr 25, 2005 at 1:21 pm
I dislike people who can’t parallel park.
10 Shugaa_mama // Apr 25, 2005 at 2:27 pm
Glad Chelsea’s ok. That’s hilarious that you tell everyone she broke a nail. Very creative…don’t think I could come up wth that. Hope everything goes well with her recovery.
11 x_defying_gravity_x // Apr 25, 2005 at 5:13 pm
Sorry to hear that your dog got hurt… I get so worried when anything happens to my dog! At least she’s making a speedy recovery!
12 McCrakin_Phil // Apr 25, 2005 at 6:28 pm
Im glad shes doing well. Ma’am i hope u and Chelsea stay in good spirits.
13 chicagoartgirl23 // Apr 25, 2005 at 6:31 pm
Awww..Chealsea! What an expensive peticure your dog demands. My kitty Giles hasn’t had an emergency yet, although he smell really bad for a while because a few of his teeth were rotten (he has a deformed jaw that dosn’t close all the way, so the constant air flow makes rot happen) and he was licking his fur with a mouth that reeked of decomposing gums. I thought I would have to be taken to the hospital from the stench. But he’s better now, and he’s got lots of meds for his sicko mouth. I hope your puppy is feeling better!
14 vixenvybe // Apr 25, 2005 at 6:37 pm
Firstly: Love and Positive Vibes and *heart* for you and Chelsea | Love and *heart* and Primo Positive Healing Vibes for you and Chelsea (that needed repeatin’). The Be Good Tanyas - rockin’ music choice!And regarding your comment:1) Europe. All over it.2) Back June 1st… (at least that’s the plan)3) I think so.Take care of you, Positive Vibes!Gabe
15 vixenvybe // Apr 25, 2005 at 6:39 pm
Aside: My friend Kaleigh is at my house for dinnah and, if FATE would have it, I can’t access my Xanga.
16 derf6179 // Apr 25, 2005 at 6:52 pm
Well at least the lady from Jersey didn’t ask you if you were having a bad day…
17 Trueblue456 // Apr 25, 2005 at 8:57 pm
Poor baby
Hope she’s feeling a better. Not to mention, I hope you got those blood stains out of your pants! I’m not sure about the ten-pound-marshmellow quote btw, I just found it on quotationspage.com and it was too funny not to post. lol 
18 toddadam // Apr 25, 2005 at 9:25 pm
You’re a better woman than I. I would have likely had an altercation with the SUV woman for several reason, not the least of which was her incredibly stupid question. I suppose to gushing blood fight have overshadowed my blinding rage, but nonetheless, jail time would have been a likely result for me.
19 Gabe_Real // Apr 25, 2005 at 9:55 pm
I now have access to my bloggah (Yay!) - but has it been a weird Monday evening for me…But it’ll be Tuesday soon and a whole new set of Pawsitive Vibes await us.*heart* and thoughts and wishes on Chelsea’s speedy recoveryGabe (back to being *real*)
20 Jules27 // Apr 25, 2005 at 10:34 pm
Fabulous account of a sad little story. Get well soon, Chelsea! So finally met Terra (trcs) during my visit home (pix on my blog). You really will have to visit sometime when we’re all there for a miniinternational xanga convention of sorts.
21 Magazineman // Apr 26, 2005 at 3:51 am
Agh! I’m cringing over my morning coffee. Poor Chelsea! Poor you! Glad it worked out!
22 Jay_galk25 // Apr 26, 2005 at 4:31 am
Ah, tragedy into comedy, gotta love it. Btw what’s wrong with The Golden Girls, me and Alex love to watch it when we have nothing better to do :).
Jay “Rawr”
23 edudlooc13 // Apr 26, 2005 at 10:32 am
LOL @ the broken nail part. Poor Chelsea
Hope she’s doing well now!
24 Coccinella // Apr 26, 2005 at 10:42 am
You left me a comment on my post about why people just can’t be happy for others when something good happens to them. You seem like you got EXACTLY what I was trying to say. Thanks for your comment.
25 TidBitz // Apr 26, 2005 at 11:09 am
I hope your dog is ok. And…Thanks for the birthday wish!
26 doctorperky // Apr 26, 2005 at 4:02 pm
When she was a puppy my dog ate four straight pins. She passed them all after a night at the vet and we avoided surgery, which was good, because we were in graduate school and broke. Here’s what I don’t understand though. The first pin I could understand, maybe…she was a puppy, she thought it might possibly be food. But why eat the other three? It’s been nine years and I just can’t figure that out at all.
27 VGMN // Apr 26, 2005 at 7:41 pm
wow this blog is amazing…just was looking through the BXU and found this site
28 Gnarlysurf // Apr 27, 2005 at 3:47 pm
Hey Laura-
Hmmm sorry for the long time of no posting on your site. Things here have been quit crazy and plus I decided to increase my 45 hour work week to 50. I mean hell what’san extra hour per day?The wayI figure it is that I’m just ever so closer to going back to France with that extra money so I’ll just grin and bare it.Anyways I must say my heat sank a bit while reading your last entry - about Chelsea. I’m glad she is ok. Actually (some pointless info) when humans and animals get older their body doesn’t devote as much protein/calcium to nails and teethwhich makes them rather brittle. I don’t know why but I remember learning that inHS honors bio.So how have you been? And when are you moving to Santa Fe? I still haven’t forgotten about those pics we took at the cafe. There’s 10 more left to takebefore I can get it developed. Well that’s it -I’ll try to be better with the comments
29 Mensonges // Apr 27, 2005 at 3:49 pm
Oww…
30 zacsucks // May 8, 2005 at 7:32 am
Phasen. 1. A distinct stage of development: “The American occupation of Japan fell into three successive phases” (Edwin O. Reischauer). 2. A temporary manner, attitude, or pattern of behavior: just a passing phase. 3. An aspect; a part: every phase of the operation.Fazetr.v. fazed, faz·ing, faz·es To disrupt the composure of; disconcert. See Synonyms at embarrass.