I like to think that my smile is brilliant. When I walk down the street, on the days when the sun is shining, I reflect the light through the grin on my face.
Or not.
Lately I’ve been getting a lot of evidence to the contrary. Tonight, for instance, a man who looked like Johnny Depp in Chocolat (sans the charming face and good looks but with added knots in his hair and pungent alcohol breath) passed by me on the street. I was in “neutral mode,” which means that my thoughts are elsewhere — usually, I’m mentally blogging — and my face carries just a peaceful expression. Or so I thought.
“Smile,” the man barked to me as he walked by.
If this were an isolated incident, I would think nothing of it and chalk it up to the fact that the guy was very clearly drunk. But it’s not — it actually happens all of the time.
One time, a few years ago, I knocked into a woman during rush hour. I flashed her what I thought was an incredibly apologetic look, to which she responded, “My goodness, bad day, huh?” Her tone was not one of sympathy, but rather of disdain.
What am I doing wrong? I think part of the problem is that my ‘neutral’ face is, apparently, rather negative, even though I think it’s benign. It’s like I think I’m Switzerland, but really, I’m the United States.
So sometimes I try to overcompensate for this by grinning excessively. That way, when I walk down the street, people will think I’m just being neutral.
Or that I’m a freak.
I was discussing this particular problem with my friend a few weeks ago. This prompted her to tell me about a similar experience in midtown Manhattan where a bouncer at some bar said to her, “Bad day, huh? How ’bout a smile?” as she walked by.
I gasped. “On 33rd Street, just off of Broadway?” I asked. She nodded.
And then I smiled — a real one — because I’ve heard that line before. That same greasy�potbellied man has used it on me.
Maybe my neutral face isn’t so bad. Maybe it’s not me. Maybe it’s just the annoying people around me.
Edit: This morning, while I was walking Chelsea, a man passed by, looked at my dog, and said to her, “Why are you looking so down on such a beautiful day?” Oh no, it’s genetic!Second edit: Today I am wearing my infamous pink flowing skirt. Here’s hoping that nothing eventful happens!
Third edit: Ernie, Lucky Town happens to be one of my Springsteen guilty pleasures because I have a secret love of the song “Should I Fall Behind.” However, like his other recent work [cough cough The Rising cough cough], most of the album is absolute crap.
29 responses so far ↓
1 Vinny_Boberano // Mar 29, 2005 at 6:36 pm
People tell me the same thing. I went to visit one of my old teachers from high school, and one of the girls in her class wouldn’t let up. I wasn’t in a bad mood, but I felt contemplative which I guess translates as a grimace on my face. This of course explains why the other students were “a lot quieter than usual” as Miss V put it. I’m sure that if I had come into a class where some guy where AF blues was sitting glaring at me I would have been downright frightened. Heck, a girl in my sisters drama class said I looked scary in my blues. I thought that that was the BDU’s job…guess not. Thanks for responding, and yes Denny’s is hell. The cockroaches are friendlier than the people who go, and work there. IHOP isn’t much better. Denny’s has people who don’t care, and are rude. IHOP has people who are uptight, prickish, and generally look down on having a good time, not to mention smiling.
2 McCrakin_Phil // Mar 29, 2005 at 6:54 pm
thats odd, i go through the same thing. I was actually going to post about it today because of an encounter i had at the gym. however, now work seems as if it will consume my night. Difference is people dont tell me to smile they get scared of me.I dont think theres nething to be afraid of when im in neutral mode. When im angry i can unleash hell’s fury but ne other time im a pleasant individual.
3 zmftimelord // Mar 29, 2005 at 8:26 pm
I have the “it’s hard to smile so that people recognize it as a big smile in pictures” phenomenon. You could always paint a clown smile on…that’d change their comments.
4 colette_and_moi // Mar 29, 2005 at 9:02 pm
For years I’ve wished that I’d had a snappy comeback for those annoying smiley people who say things like, “Smile! It can’t be that bad.” The last time I was suprisingly and sufficiently outraged and prepared. I looked her straight in the eyes and said, “Oh really? My mother just died.” She didn’t even have the decency to stop and respond–which made me feel somewhat smug and satisfied.
Of course my mother hadn’t just died.
5 derf6179 // Mar 29, 2005 at 9:06 pm
I seem to get that response often as well…”Smile Fred, it’s not that bad..” usually said to me at work. Who knows, maybe I always looked pissed at work. Do I always have to smile just to denote I’m OK. Possibly strangers say something to that effect just to start a conversation….is that possible? I don’t think I’ve ever initiated a conversation like that. (I don’t want to annoy people!)Fred
6 Jules27 // Mar 29, 2005 at 11:44 pm
Oh I so feel you! I think a) as women and b) as city-dwellers, we’ve unwittingly trained ourselves to keep a neutral face of defense up. It’s the “step off” face thathelps us weave through busy metro stations and sidewalks, that keep thecreepy alkies and chawchy guys away. But underneath it all, we’re having a fine day.
7 TimsHead // Mar 30, 2005 at 12:53 am
Seems a common phenomenom. I am frequently accused of never smiling, when I feel like I grin like an idiot more than I should. Maybe it was just my perception, though; tor years, whenever my picture was in the paper I was scowling even though I thought I was smiling at the time. Perhaps there’s some PhotoShop function that can edit a smile into a scowl.Two noteworthy phrases in your blog:… which means that my thoughts are elsewhere — usually, I’m mentally blogging — This happens to me all the time now … either on the street or in boring meetings, and sometimes someone wonders if I’m spaced out. I’m mainly mentally constructing sentences, which may be the same thing.It’s like I think I’m Switzerland, but really, I’m the United States. That line is simply brilliant!
8 Didya_evawonda // Mar 30, 2005 at 1:50 am
Hah! Happens to me all the time…though sometimes my scowl can be real
9 Didya_evawonda // Mar 30, 2005 at 1:51 am
Lucky Town?!??!!!?? Ugh. And here I am thinking you were so cool.
10 TexasAlan // Mar 30, 2005 at 2:20 am
I’m a light-hearted and very goofy person. My “neutral face” is always staid and serious. I’ve tried to change it, but I can not. When people tell me that I look too serious when I’m thinking or in my own world, I just tell them atleast they know *something* is going on in my head and it is not a vaccuous world in there.
11 Jay_galk25 // Mar 30, 2005 at 2:56 am
I can’t smile, makes my face ache and really nothing to smile about usually in my life.
Jay “Soon To Be Dead Rawr”
12 natkat // Mar 30, 2005 at 4:37 am
every time i see the ad for tampons with the underwear tucked in the skirt i think of you and when we gave you that ad. oh we are so clever.
13 sunshineboy78 // Mar 30, 2005 at 4:48 am
I have the opposite problem. I’ll walk along, thinking I’m looking mean, and people will tell me I look friendly, warm and open.
14 tektoo2 // Mar 30, 2005 at 5:49 am
I am toldthat I look “to serious” or “to intense”, but I’m just using my “neutral” face. When the “serious” face does come to light, it is very apparent. But you do have a great smile. So use it.
15 diversityROXZ // Mar 30, 2005 at 7:54 am
When faced with *the smile police *they are trying to project their moods on you— I am a happy go lucky smilely person and am often told (asked)- *What do you have to be so happy about —-* I hum to myself, look at the sky, stop to smell the flowers ,which works out well in some places but in others, people want to hit me in the head with a large rock….So smile when you want, frown when you want because you can’t please every-one….
16 sunshineboy78 // Mar 30, 2005 at 8:26 am
It’s the Big Banana
17 chicagoartgirl23 // Mar 30, 2005 at 11:11 am
I hate it when people say that to me! Although, to their defense, I really do have a pretty bizarre face. When I run I like to zone out and become zen, but sometimes I notice that my eyes have been crossed for a while before I realize that I’m running about the city with a sweaty, cross eyed crazy face. Ha! Also, when I’m deep in thought (which is often) I get a really weird look on my face—similar to the “TV face” that I’ve blogged previously about. Also, when I’m deep in thought, I think of funny things to write about or that have happened recently and suddenly I’m giggling to myself like a bonified wacko. I think that some people just have expressive faces that are involuntarily connected to their thoughts—we just might be those people! Anyhow, my smile is so enormous that if I did walk about smiling I would look even crazier than I usually do. ::smile::
As always-great post! For once there is a lull at work and it was nice to have something short and fun to spend a few minutes. Thanks!
18 chublin // Mar 30, 2005 at 11:42 am
maybe… but it would take a helluvalotuv stamps… and you’d have to be prepared to have it sent back in very small pieces.
19 Gnarlysurf // Mar 30, 2005 at 2:00 pm
I’m with my buddy Fred (derf6179). I often look pissed at work although I usually am. But anyways sometimes I do fake a smile just so people will leave me the hell alone. If not then I’ll get reported to my boss for bringing the others down. That’s crap! I’m smiling now tho…because I’m not at work. YEY!
But out on the street – especially when you live in a big city its great to smile at everyone. It makes them ponder about what the heck you could be possibly thinking about.
PS- do you know some good stores in the city where I can by European style clothing?
20 One80_dgrees // Mar 30, 2005 at 2:26 pm
Oh you’re not a freak! When I stare at something everybody thinks that my face is about to explode. Or when I’m just thinking I look like I’m about to cry. So hey…
21 doctorperky // Mar 30, 2005 at 2:33 pm
I’m with you. When I’m moderately happy I apparently look like I’m depressed and when I’m vaguely annoyed I look like I might kill someone.
22 Didya_evawonda // Mar 30, 2005 at 2:40 pm
OK. “Should I Fall Behind” is a great song. Here’s a compromise: Listen to it on the Live in NYC album.(But be sure not to listen to”41 shots.” Politics aside, the song’s dumb.) Don’t support substandard drivel from our best artists. Watch out for his next foray into “hey E-Streeters, lets take a break so I can record something solo, acoustic, introspective, and HORRIBLE” – just like Joad.
23 Magazineman // Mar 30, 2005 at 5:46 pm
I actually prefer an honest blank expression. It’s better than the fatuous “smirn” so many people give each other, that waffly shit-i’ve-just-made-eye-contact-with-you-so-i-have-to-acknowledge-your-existence-in-some-way-but-not-with-a-full-smile look that is halfway between a smirk and a frown. All my coworkers do that–when they look at me at all–and it makes me just want to shout “PICK ONE!!”Whoa! Your pic just changed! My, what a nice smile!!
24 pumpernickel_rye // Mar 30, 2005 at 6:03 pm
I think the last time somebody did this to me wasthe day many years ago I learned I was pregnant and was so dazed and happy and beside myself with joy I could hardly see straight. I was in one of those upscale Chicago grocery stores standing at the cheese cooler sort of bemusedly half examining the cheeses, not really thinking about the cheeses at all but this miracle happening inside me when some guy walks up to my elbow and says, “Smile, are things really THAT bad”? I turned to him with the same sort of glazed expression I suppose I’d been wearing all around the store, and then I laughed out loud and startled the hell out of him. But his comment was so absurd and so off I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. And so I told him. I said, “Well, actually, this may be the happiest day of my life because I just found out I’m pregnant!” And I beamed and beamed. He turned beet red, mumbled something and wandered away. It must have lifted the curse, because I really don’t think anybody has ever said that to me again. I suppose I can’t recommend it as a method to EVerybody, but still….
25 Gabe_Real // Mar 31, 2005 at 3:59 am
Smile I’d say at work – I’ll either show a true fake smile (as a response to an insincere smiley) or a genuine * positive vibin’ * smile (like the bold one above). Anyways, it’s like both sides of the proverbial spectrum – show a smile a tad bit too much – and people’ll ask “What are you smiling at?”. Go all neutral and you’ll get “Smile! Yadayadayadayada”. What was my point again? Crappers.Oh… erm… I actually…like The Rising… Heh… (well at least the title track)…Grin away! Lovin’ the new pic. Cheers Laura, take care of you.*Paw*sitive Vibes,Gabe
26 MaximaBella // Mar 31, 2005 at 4:52 am
looks like weve all heard this a million times…at mylast place of employment it got to the point a member of upper management was calling me ‘Grumpus’…Im like..IM NOT GRUMPY!
fuckers
27 sunshineboy78 // Mar 31, 2005 at 4:58 am
I’ve got 25 bucks and a cracker, do you think that’s enough?
28 Gabe_Real // Mar 31, 2005 at 5:14 am
I *heart* the E Street Band. I gotta put up a Springsteen video sometime. Gotta make a mental note of that.Wherever Positive Vibes are sent, they always find a way of gettin’ to where they belong…Happy Thursday… One more sleep until the weekend. Woooooo
29 tigerjeff // Apr 3, 2005 at 2:09 pm
I hear you.. but lucky for you your face is nice to look at… mine looks mean… people not only think I am cross but that I am about to hurt them…nothing could be further from the truth..upsets me…I give people more credit for inteligence than they deserve with my ” funny ” comments..then they think I am being smart arse rude to them…oh to know people like you.. thank you for your thoughts ..they are as nice as your smile..!
jeff