My Dog is Chelsea

My lovely Uncle Joe always reprimands me for being “fresh” with my mother.
[Just to clarify: When I use the word "fresh," I mean, "This tomato hasn't grown mold yet." When he�says it, he means rude.]
But without sarcasm, I ask you, how am I supposed to respond to bad questions? Observe:
Mother: Laura, are you coming home [...]

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I like to think that my smile is brilliant. When I walk down the street, on the days when the sun is shining, I reflect the light through the grin on my face.
Or not.
Lately I’ve been getting a lot of evidence to the contrary. Tonight, for instance, a man who looked like Johnny Depp in [...]

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A friend of mine suggested the other day that perhaps this whole recent-college-graduate-what-the-hell-am-I-going-to-do-with-my-life thing wouldn’t be so difficult to deal with if only I had my father around to support me. I’m not sure how true that is — anyone who graduates college with a clear vision of their career path is simply an enigma, [...]

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“It’s WHAT?” I screamed into my cellphone. I couldn’t believe my ears.
On the other end of the line, my friend Sasha was trying to communicate from inside of the bar I was about to enter. “It’s a ten dollar cover for anyone who doesn’t live in Manhattan!” she yelled back.
I guess I heard right. Who [...]

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Sometimes I think the story of my life is just a repetition of the same old story: I am the girl who sees dog shit on the sidewalk, makes a point of avoiding it, and steps in it accidentally anyway. If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me, “Laura, only that [...]

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