My Dog is Chelsea

When I was about eight years old, I left New York. My mother decided that I needed to learn how to play tennis, so she signed me up for lessons at some tennis camp in the country. “So, you grew up in New York City?” the tennis pro asked me. Grew up? I was growing [...]

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February 8, 2005 The Asshole Who Hit My Car 100 Centre Street New York, NY 10013 Dear Douchebag, I am writing to inform you of my overwhelming excitement about your new addition to my car’s plethora of mechanical and body work failures! I truly cannot be more grateful for what you have done, and it [...]

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There’s been another Virgin Mary sighting, and it wasn’t on a McDonald’s French fry. Indeed, it was on a rock, of all places! In Staten Island! (Click here for more details.) Who knew? A woman finds a virginal rock, and is famous—in the Staten Island—for a day. She might even make a buck or two [...]

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My friends tell me I’m too friendly. They might be right. When I was a child, I understood the “don’t take candy from strangers” warning, but I never really grasped why I shouldn’t be talking to them. I talk to strangers—all the time—which is why, I guess, I’m on a first-name basis with half of [...]

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Driving over the Verrazano Bridge this morning, I was disturbed to notice something I previously thought had only plagued Los Angeles: a big, brown, bulging cloud of pollution hovering tightly over New York. It looked as if Newark had farted on the city. I started looking around. Above the poof of pollution, I noticed a [...]

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